#i feel like the easiest way to have friends its to make some kind of content but I've done practically nothing since I made this account

[akitsuneswife]

I miss having in-fandom-friends but it's been a long time since I spoke and maintained a friendship with someone I met online :(

[south-sea]

shadow having days where he’s more kid than adult, and more adult than kid

but also days where he’s more maria than shadow

[lurkingshan]

Japanese BL Starter Pack

It��s been awhile since I dropped a rec list, so I am here today to share one that is very near and dear to my heart—a Japanese bl primer for those who are new to the jbl game. I created this for @neuroticbookworm to help her on her journey when she decided she wanted to start getting into Japanese works. The fandom (on Tumblr and generally) tends to focus primarily on Thai shows because they are the easiest to access for international fans, since Thailand is working its way toward world domination via ql media and wants us all to be able to watch. But there is a lot of great stuff to watch beyond the easy access Thai channels, and Japan is the country where this genre originated, so its shows are important for anyone who considers themselves a bl fan. Japan doesn’t cater nearly as much to the international audience so tracking down the shows sometimes takes some ingenuity and can-do spirit, but that’s part of the fun!

And so, the list! Bookworm is about halfway through it and having a ball, so I figured it was time to stop hoarding it and share it with anyone else who would like to dip their toes into jbl and isn’t quite sure where to start. A few notes: 

I am not here to teach you about the deep roots of the jbl genre or give you a primer on yaoi manga. I am by no means an expert and there are other places to find that information. Start here with this great post by @nieves-de-sugui and then maybe wander over to @absolutebl to read up more on the evolution of the genre.

This list is by no means an exhaustive accounting of every important Japanese bl ever made; it is simply a nice sampler platter of the cream of the crop among various styles you will find in jbl. Watching through this whole list will not only expose you to some fantastic shows, but also give you a sense of what makes jbl unique and how the country’s style differs from others, and point you toward the types of jbl you’ll like most (they tend to put shows in pretty specific style and tone lanes and once you find the ones you like there are lots more where that came from). 

If you’re coming to this post as a jbl lover and you don’t see your favorite here, I promise it’s not because I don’t love it very much; I simply had to make some choices to get this down to a reasonable shortlist. Feel free to leave extra recs for others to find! 

I’m putting these in a loose suggested watch order that will take you through the various jbl lanes in a kind of popcorn style, because I always think it’s good to change it up so you don’t get too stuck in one mode, and it works its way up to most of the extremely Japanese stuff (you will know what that means by the time you finish). But do what’s in your heart and change up the order if you want, friends, I am not the boss of you! 

Cherry Magic (Crunchyroll or grey)

gif by @liyazaki

I believe everyone on Tumblr is pretty familiar with this one, which is not a coincidence—this is one of the most accessible jbls. Not in terms of actual access to watch it, mind you (we’ve all jumped through shady internet hoops to watch it) but in terms of its content and style. Cherry Magic is a classic workplace romcom with a magical twist, and it is charming af. It’s a great exemplar of Japan’s light and zippy comedy lane for bl—a lane in which, importantly, the romances stay chaste even when the actual plot is about sex, or lack thereof. My friend @waitmyturtles would kill me if I didn’t make sure you know that Cherry Magic also has a lovely follow up film. And bonus: there is now a Thai remake airing so if you watch the original you can get in on the discussion about the different adaptations between countries. This is pretty easy to find these days in all the usual places, but I strongly recommend watching it here.

Old Fashion Cupcake (Viki)

gif by @liyazaki

Moving on to a slightly more mature workplace romcom. Old Fashion Cupcake, another Tumblr favorite, is an age gap boss-subordinate romance, and it’s both very adult and somehow wholesome af at the same time. Sure, there is a lot of carnal desire going on here, but there is also a lot of wooing via fluffy pancakes. It’s a tight five episodes and a fantastic example of what Japan, with its extreme technical precision in writing, directing, editing, pacing, and acting firing on all cylinders, can do in two hours. There’s not an ounce of flab on this thing and you’ll want to watch it over and over again.

Utsukushii Kare (Viki)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Time to get a little weird! Weird is a key feature of Japanese media, and lots of jbls explore unusual relationship dynamics rooted in complex psychology. This is the first show on the list that will likely feel very Japanese if you’re new around here—my advice is to lean into it and finish the show, even if you get uncomfortable along the way. In Japanese media, discomfort always serves a purpose. This is a high school story with a twisted relationship at its center, and I’m not saying any more than that. Don’t spoil yourself and go watch it! This one also comes with two sequels—one short second season and one movie—that continue from the original story. They are less essential but still excellent.

I Cannot Reach You (Netflix)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Next up, another high school tale, but with a totally different vibe. This show is kind of a revelation in its willingness to tell a story about overwhelming desire—including sexual desire—with young protagonists. It’s rooted in a classic but often misunderstood trope, friends to lovers, and takes the angst of it seriously, giving us a low stakes story that feels extremely high stakes to our leads. It’s also gorgeous and uses a classic Japanese visual style (bokeh) that you’ll be dying to learn more about. 

His (Viki)

gif by @gabrielokun

Time for a break from high school, and we’ll sprinkle in a movie for some added flavor. His is a jbl film featuring a second chance romance between a stoic, introverted man who moves to a remote town to start over, and his ex-boyfriend who follows him there unexpectedly, adorable child in tow. Importantly, this movie does not take place in what we often refer to as the “bl bubble” where homophobia doesn’t exist; the leads’ experiences of being gay men in a homophobic society are hugely important to the plot and themes of the story. It’s a beautiful film and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it. @bengiyo would surely also like me to tell you that this film follows a brief prequel show called His: I Didn’t Mean to Fall in Love about the characters originally meeting in high school; I do not think it’s really necessary to watch it but completists can start there.

The Pornographer series (Gaga)

By now you should be ready to get into some classic Japanese fucked up psychosexual material, right? Right! The Pornographer series is told in five installments in this order:

The Novelist, a six episode miniseries

Mood Indigo, a six episode prequel series

Spring Life, a 15 minute short

Pornographer: Playback, a two hour film

Spring Life Continued, a 15 minute short

Confused by that distribution model? So say we all; sometimes Japan likes to make us work for it to make sure we really appreciate its many gifts to us. The story across these installments is about a very difficult to love protagonist, what makes him the way he is, and the also-unhinged-but-in-a-different-way man who finally gets through to him. It’s an extremely satisfying love story and one of the best character arcs I have ever seen, full stop. For this one, you’ll want to just pull the word problematic out of your pocket and store it in a drawer; nearly everything that happens in this story is problematic and that’s the point. Lean in! All of these installments except for the film are on Gaga, if you get that far hmu and I will supply you with the final puzzle piece.

Our Dining Table (Gaga)

You could probably use a break after those last two, so it’s time to shift over to a heart-tugging twofer: family trauma mixed with the cutest shit you’ve ever seen. ODT is an example of another classic type of Japanese show: the food drama (you will see the GOAT in this category at the end of this list). In Japanese culture, food is love, and the act of preparing food for your loved ones is a common path to romance. You’ll love this story about an isolated office worker who meets a pair of brothers, learns to cook as a way of connecting with them, and begins to heal from his own trauma as a result. The image above is a scan from the manga, which @troubled-mind curates to make extremely cool comparison sets like this one. Many jbls are faithful adaptations of yaoi manga source material, so it’s good to have a bit of familiarity with them.

Minato’s Laundromat (Gaga)

gif by @liyazaki

Japanese media loves to explore taboo, and often manages to do it in a way that is surprisingly light and chaste. This is an age gap romance between a teenager and his adult neighbor that explores internalized homophobia, emotional repression, and falling in love across seemingly impossible social chasms. It’s also a great example of old school yaoi seme-uke dynamics that still show up across the bl genre. Also, take my advice: end your journey with this one with the first season and just pretend season 2 doesn’t exist.

Eternal Yesterday (Viki)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Remember what I said about weird? Time to do that again, but with a heaping dose of grief and pain on top. It’s not a spoiler to tell you this show involves a major character death; a major character death is, in fact, the root of the entire story. This is a magic realist tale of first love turned tragic, and it will hurt and heal you. It is one of my favorite dramas of all time.

Restart After Come Back Home (Gaga)

And now for a break for your poor exhausted brain. This film is basically the jbl version of a Hallmark original movie, about a city boy who goes back home to the country and falls in love with a total sweetheart while working together on a farm. Enjoy it, bestie, you’ve earned it! 

Tokyo in April Is… (Gaga)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

You’ve probably noticed by now that emotional repression and failed communication are big themes in Japanese works. This second chance romance has plenty of both, and it’s a great example of a kind of muted emotional style that Japan does so well, where the surface of the story seems almost placid and calm even as deep emotion roils underneath. This one (and Eternal Yesterday above) are part of a special line up of jbls on Japanese channel MBS called Tonku (Drama) Shower. The shows air one after another in the same time slot on Fridays (in Japan, perhaps Thursdays for you depending on where you live) and you truly never know what you’re gonna get, but they’re all interesting. Warnings on this one for sexual assault and trauma. 

The End of the World With You (Viki)

Time for sexy and weird again, but even more so! This has to be one of the most unique bls ever made; it goes to some truly divine and strange places, and it feels incredibly queer while doing it. Made by the same screenwriter/director of the Pornographer series with a lot of the same sensibilities, but in a more heightened apocalyptic setting. This one has existential angst, a road trip, a redemption tale, and a variety of interesting side characters in the mix.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? (Gaga)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Congratulations, you’ve reached the end of the list and your reward is watching one of the best bls of all time, and a perfect slice of life food drama to boot. WDYEY now has two seasons (along with a couple specials and a movie that fall in between) because the universe clearly loves us. You can now get it on Gaga for easy access but I’m partial to the versions over at @kinounaniresource for better subs. Wherever you watch, settle in to get cozy with Shiro and Kenji and make sure to always eat before you hit play.

[pinescent-and-gingerbread]

˖✧ The Jackpot

✦ Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Fem!Reader ✦ Summary: You join Arthur and the boys for a job on the Grand Korrigan riverboat where you act as Arthur’s lap girl. The man in question is more than excited about this decision. ✦ Warnings: Guns, mention of shooting, swearing, SMUT, oral (reader receiving), edging if you squint, unprotected p in v ✦ Words: 3,8k ✦ a/n: A big heartwarming thank you to @zae-heeyyy!! Who took the time to correct my dumb spelling and give me her thoughts on this before publishing it! Please go check her work, I swear it won't disappoint! Also: pictures are not mine! I usually try to use a pic for Arthur from my own playthrough but I'm fcking stuck on Guarma rn. Found them on Pinterest.

Dim lights are flickering all around you, making the golden ornaments of the luxurious place you're in shine like a thousand stars. You couldn't believe this gigantic reception room, gratified by a bar, a grand piano, and of course, three elegant poker tables, was actually floating on water right now, as you were on the Grand Korrigan boat, the jewel of its kind, den of the richest gentlemen in St. Denis, in search for some amusement and of course, even more money.

Trelawny and Herr Strauss had plotted a well-crafted deal that could earn a lot of money for the gang. Along with Javier disguised as one of the guards, Arthur would act as a new wealthy businessman who had just made a fortune in oil. Strauss would give him signals during his poker game, which guaranteed him to win considering Trelawny had made a friend out of the dealer.

You? You'd play his mistress, sitting on his lap during the game to make the scene look more convincing. On top of that, you had been able to hide a little gun in a hidden pocket in the underside of your dress, guaranteeing some extra protection, which wasn't a bad idea considering the Grand Korrigan was heavily armed and neither Arthur, Trelawny nor Strauss had one.

So here you were, thriving in your role, comfortably sitting on Arthur's lap, hands wrapped around his neck, both legs hanging on his left side. His arms were enveloping you, hands resting on the edge of the table as he was focusing on his cards.

Well, more like trying to focus, actually.

Maybe it was because you two had started a quite passionate relationship a few weeks ago, sneaking in each other's tent, simple kisses and whispers in the night quickly turning into something more, the both of you having cravings to fulfill.

Maybe it was because Trelawny, the damned man, had chosen a particularly suggestive dress for you to wear, comforting your play considering wives weren't allowed at the poker tables, only work girls and such, your cleavage on full display for his immoral eyes.

Maybe it was the way he could feel the round and warm flesh of your ass even through the fabric of your clothes, right where he wanted to, making his brain impossible to function properly, desperately trying to keep the hardness between his legs to stay in line.

Either way, Arthur had to make enormous efforts to focus on the job and was frankly relieved Strauss was telling him what to do; despite being a pretty good poker player, he would never have been able to win the easiest of games in this state.

Strauss told him to go all-in. He did. You smiled, you would have lied saying you weren't enjoying yourself right now. You had known far worse jobs than playing Arthur's lover. Much to your surprise, he had played a really convincing character through the night too, his usual mumbling far gone, replaced by a bright and confident speech and a cheeky grin that was making you want to kiss it even more. In fact, you wanted to take care of him just to see this cocky smirk flatter under your touch, replaced by a pleasured expression on his handsome face.

It was easy to say both of you were acting pretty good, but inside felt like two teenagers in love.

Arthur had won another hand, men were starting to leave the table, angry. It was only you both and the target now, an opulent man known as Desmond Blythe, loaded with money thanks to his hosiery business.

You pulled a cigarette out of Arthur's pocket along with a match, and you felt his breath hitch for an instant when you slipped your hand in it. Rubbing the match against the wood of the table, you lighted the cigarette casually, little flame illuminating a thin grin on your lips. You took a small drag on it to make sure the tobacco had plainly burnt, then you placed the cigarette in front of Arthur's lips, holding it for him between your index and middle finger, so that he could smoke on it while keeping both his hands on his cards.

It was downright one of the hottest things anybody had done to him and he was starting to lose it. Wrapping his lips around your offering and smoking a long drag, he allowed himself to avert his gaze from his opponent for a few seconds, planting his turquoise pupils into yours.

His eyes were half-lidded, long lashes accentuating the languorous gaze he was giving you. Your heart started racing. The power this man had on you was insane, but if only you knew what you were doing to him in return. You had a glimpse of it though, right there in the depths of his two blue diamonds, this so distinctive dark glow of him, direct window on the sinful pit of his urges.

You were sure your own eyes were mirroring it. And it got worse when, after exhaling some smoke, he quickly kissed the palm of your hand, indicating he had smoked enough, the warm sensation of his chapped lips on your skin giving you goosebumps. His eyes went back to Blythe, and you exhaled as if you had been holding your breath during the whole time you had locked eyes.

You retrieved your hand, taking a drag yourself on the cigarette after him, loving the idea of sharing it with him, of putting your lips right where he did a few seconds before, your biased brain telling you you could taste sweet remnants of him there.

Another all-in, another hand won by Arthur who couldn't stop himself from smiling this sly cocky smirk, eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Shit, shit!" Blythe shouted, hitting on the table with his fists furiously.

"I guess ma luck held... Is that you done?" Arthur asked him, his tone triumphant while bending over the table to gather his not-so-well-deserved chips. "Or, do you got somethin' else to play with?" He added more lowly, his baritone voice almost making you shiver just hearing it.

"Meaning?" Desmond questioned back, visibly frustrated. Looked like frustration was a popular feeling around this poker table tonight, about the game or other things...

Arthur had gotten up from his chair and you too, now standing by his side, partially glued to his body as he had snaked an arm around your waist while finishing to put in order his chips. He answered using the same taunting, arrogant tone as before.

"Well, I heard there was some big boys on this boat, maybe that's not you, no offense-"

"Sit your and your whore's hillbilly asses down." The rich men cut him off, voice dark and serious.

You felt Arthur's hand grip tighter on your waist. For a faint moment, you thought that his cover would collapse, considering how tense he had gotten hearing him calling you a whore. But the way he was still smiling was almost even more scary, it was a false, threatening one. The kind of smile that hides a cold anger, boiling silently inside.

"Why?" Arthur simply answered, tone brilliantly contained considering the way his muscles were flexing on their own under his fancy suit.

"I got a watch... An expensive one, swiss... a Reutlinger no less. It's in the safe, upstairs. It's worth more than you."

You forced yourself not to cross eyes with Arthur. Your target. He had just confirmed what you were all here for. Perfect, just a bit more of this whole play and Arthur would be able to access the strongbox.

"Okay, I trust ya." Arthur consented while sitting back on his chair, placing you with his two big hands back at your place, on his lap. You were definitely loving this job. You'd have to thank Trelawny for it, someday.

The rest of the game passed just like before, your outlaw ultimately winning once more thanks to your colleague's little trick. Desmond was furious, and you obtained your goal.

Arthur happily got up once again, gently helping you stand, one of his hands naturally resting on your shoulder. Before following the gentleman who was supposed to bring him to the safe, he bent over to you, head brushing against yours, his stubble and hairs tickling your cheeks. He whispered in your ear, voice deep and hoarse, this one voice that was always making your head turn.

"When we're finished here, I'm gonna take care of ya, darlin'."

You sighed, cracking up a sly smirk, your cheeks turning a bit red. These simple words were enough to make the heat between your thighs make itself known; crying out for attention. Being so close like this was allowing you to breathe in his scent, its combination on top of his breath on your ear was a dangerous mix for your sanity. You took the opportunity of having his skin so close to your lips to place a small kiss on his neck, right below his own ear.

Arthur smiled at you, his bright blue eyes sparkling as he took a last look at you before walking off. You sighed softly again, already missing his presence. The wait for some time alone was only making your own needs grow.

You were only hoping the job would end up smoothly.

Of course, it didn't. 

Desmond, sore loser, had accused Arthur of cheating. That and the fact that the guard Javier had knocked off to steal his clothes had appeared out of nowhere yelling to shoot him had set things on fire on the Grand Korrigan, the boat now witness to a heated shooting the Van Der Linde Gang was known for.

You had instantly pulled out your hidden gun and helped Arthur clean up the place thanks to Javier who had thrown him a rifle. The night had ended with your incongruous team jumping straight in the water, swimming back to the shore, a quite odd and armed to the teeth fish shoal. At least, everyone was alive, and you even had obtained a pretty decent amount of money, not even mentioning the watch Strauss had authenticated as a real Reutlinger. Arthur had quickly taken back the precious object from his greedy hands, "well give it back then", which made you laugh to yourself.

True to himself, your cowboy had instructed everyone to separate and get out of the shore, as always after a job. You were all quite a sight, soaked to the bones. As you were greeting everyone a good night, Arthur silently walked to you and grabbed your hand. Even with the water you both had leaking from your clothes to your skin, you could feel how warm his hand was, contrasting yours which was completely freezing cold from having swam in the icy waters. You wondered if this man was even human.

"But you, Miss, are comin' with me." He playfully informed you, not leaving you any choice.

It was not as if you wanted to go anywhere else anyway.

"Really now? What d'ya have in mind, cowboy?" You asked him with an equally mischievous tone on your own, your eye glued to the way his hair looked completely soaked, subtle rivulets sliding all the way from it to his neck.

"Maybe we could pay ourselves a well-deserved night in town..." He proposed, voice turning more and more into a low growl as he was letting his desires take the lead on his reason.

"I would love that." You simply agreed, before getting closer to him, tilting your head up to bring your lips to his. He gladly let you, one hand still holding yours, the other gently landing on the side of your face.

The walk to the La Bastille Saloon was supposed to be a short one, but you both looked like you couldn't wait to be there before teasing each other. You would sometimes stop walking to just attack his neck, lips merciless as you sucked and kissed him there. Your taunting acts were often met with his equally heated answer, one of his palms ending on your ass, or your thighs, your wet clothes transparent and glued to your curves not helping him to keep his touch away from these places of your body. Arthur's breath sharpened as he called you his lil minx, and no, darlin’, we can't just do it on the streets.

Finally, after having shocked the barman by arriving at such late hours in completely soaked clothes, which honestly just made the both of you laugh mischievously, you reached your love nest for the night.

And what a nest! Silk sheets, canopy bed, sumptuous decor glistening with the dim lights of the chandeliers. Even the floor looked comfortable, carpeted with some fancy patterns, matching the couch and bed's color. Red, just like passion, just like lust. Red, like the color of your cheeks right now as Arthur had closed the door and was already on his knees, placing you on the edge of the mattress. Red, just like what Arthur was seeing right now, hungry hands pulling your dress up, positioning himself between your thighs.

You looked down at him, his darkened eyes looking at you. You noticed he had ripped off his fancy tie, needing to breathe properly, the heat between you both already making him suffocate. In those moments, his beautiful pupils were always shining with a more murky color, his usual sky blue turning into a more cobalt one. They were staring intensely into yours, expression questioning. A silent demand. You nodded positively, quietly answering. Dooming yourself.

The moment you did, he buried his head between your legs, left hand resting on your hip, holding you gently. His lips started kissing softly on the fabric of your undergarments. His other hand quickly came, helping him in his task by pulling it to the side, granting him access.

The moment his lips met your folds, you let out a moan, unable to resist the feeling he was giving you. He was loving it, his ears getting redder as he was more and more aroused himself. He was so big between your thighs, his shoulders were spreading them almost completely open.

He licked in a long, slow movement all the way to the top of your pussy, making you sigh in pleasure already, hips jerking against his head, begging for more.

"Easy, girl... I've got ya." He soothed you hoarsely, left hand holding you more firmly to prevent you from crushing him totally. Nevertheless, he took your eagerness into account; he couldn't deny you anything. Not when it came to sex. Not when you were so beautiful in this ostentatious dress. Not when he had grown more and more found of you, even if he was refusing to admit it to himself completely for now.

He brought his lips on the top of your core, tongue gently circling around this so special knot of nerves, his stubble scratching pleasantly against your skin, bringing you even more sensations.

It was already so good, Arthur's mouth showing you no pity, licking, sucking, kissing, as if you were becoming the only food he could ever feast on, the only oxygen he could breathe with. The sight of his broken nose buried beneath your skin, as if he was searching to go even deeper within you was almost too much for you to handle. Your hands that were gripping the sheets had now found the top of his head, spurring him to continue, please please please, Arthur, more, or you could have died right here on the fancy bed of the La Bastille Saloon.

Arthur's tongue answered your begging call, lapping your sensitive spot faster, harder. How the Hell was that man so good at pleasuring a woman? That, sinful, dirty man, just like the sounds you were letting out right now.

Your vision started to blur, the back of your head sinking onto the mattress, your back arching deliciously, and you were going to let him know just how close you were until he stopped all of a sudden.

"A-Arthur!" You protested, head snapping back at him, eyes pleading, tone both offended and needy as his name had sounded more like a whine when it had felt from your mouth.

He smiled cockily at you from where he was, his mouth looking wet with your arousal. He loved it, he loved being responsible for it.

"I'm here, girl... I jus' need ya too much right now. Lemme just..."

His voice was now a low rumble, coming from the depth of his chest. You watched as he quickly ripped off his clothes with little care for them. Trelawny would have shouted at how he was treating one of the most expensive suits he had ever brought.

But he didn't care about the suit. And neither do you, as your eyes were devouring every inch of his flesh that was appearing under them. The sight of a completely naked Arthur always had the same effect on you, no matter how many times you already had seen it.

His muscular body looked like it had been carved by Angels. No, more likely by an angry, dark God, who would have sculpted him from a hard and brutal material, his many scars and blurs a remnant of it. You could almost picture his tools molding your lover's broad chest and shoulders with sharp, furious hammer blows. His powerful arms and legs had received the same treatment, as if the deity wanted to pass on all of his brutal force into his creation. And his cock was definitely no exception to it.

And yet, this massive force of nature was blushing under your gaze. He couldn't have resisted the hurtful sensation of emptiness around his shaft, one of his hands now giving himself a few strokes to try and relieve some of it. His eyes closed in a frown for a few seconds, your pussy burned at this unholy scenery he was offering you.

You were in such a state of need it was almost depraved. You quickly got rid of your own clothes, tossing them somewhere on the floor of the room, needing to share this intimacy with him, to feel his skin against yours.

"Oh, please... Arthur, jus' take me..." You asked yourself before he could probe your adequation. You knew him well now, you already knew the next words he was going to speak would be another demand to make sure you truly wanted this.

He seemed to enjoy how you had forecasted it, his eyes opening again to look at you, his cock hardening even more, precum slowly leaking from its top, wasting all the efforts he had done to relieve it a bit.

"If that's what you want darlin'... I'm your man." He answered in a growl, climbing next to you on the bed.

You weren't sure why but his last words had made your heart swell in your chest. You were sure, deep down inside of you, that he meant it in another way. He really had become yours, and you, his. Lost in your thoughts, you let him handle you gently, placing you on your belly against the silk sheets, lying himself on top of you, legs between yours.

You slightly moved your rear up against his erection, earning a grunt of pleasure from him. Saying he had loved it was an understatement; he had been thinking about doing this with you since you had sat on him on the riverboat.

Using his right hand, he placed his cock against your entrance, and finally started pushing, your pussy already ready for him thanks to his ministrations, your mouth mewling at the sensation. Your perfect, hot walls were finally enveloping him, and he tried his best not to come just from that intense feeling alone.

He was so big and tall behind you, his head could reach yours and he buried it onto the crook of your neck, his hair still wet offering you a cold feel, contrasting with his whole hot chest pressed on your back, making you feel as if a literal inferno was burning it. He slowly started to pull back, only to shove himself in you again, starting a slow but intense back and forth.

"God, damn it... 'Feel so good girl..." He mumbled against your skin, his arms encircling you from both sides, caging you under his tall figure.

You sighed at his praise, wanting to answer something to compliment him back, but he snapped his hips just at the same time, making you shut your eyes close, and moan louder than before. Your voice was starting to crack under the amount of pleasure he was bringing to you, hard shaft brushing this deep spot within your core every time his hips moved, hitting just right where you needed him to.

He had noticed, and it was only making him lose his mind even more, unable to keep his pace slow, letting his body unleashed. He had waited this whole night to bury himself in you, listened to this moron calling you names without having the right to punch his goddamn idiotic face. He couldn't hold anything back anymore.

He started thrusting more frantically, pistoning his cock in and out of you so fast and hard he was now fucking you onto the bed. His right hand grabbed a fistful of your ass, the feeling of it colliding with his pelvis with every thrust making him insane, the other one next to your left shoulder, preventing him from crushing you completely.

You could feel it, the familiar feeling, the divine relief, building more and more thanks to him, the pace increasing your pleasure. Feeling how impossibly hard his sex had gotten in your cunt, you knew he was close too. This simple fact was the last push to your deliverance.

"A-Arthur! God, yes!" You screamed, unable to form any coherent thoughts, existing simply for this, for this moment with him, naked on the bed of this saloon. Just you and him.

"Oh, darlin’, shit!" Your orgasm had made your walls clench even more around his dick, exploding his limit. He quickly removed himself from you, and finished at the last second on your back and ass, his burning release painting your skin in flaming spurts. His very own sinful art piece.

The room felt silent again. The air stifling from your lovemaking, the only sounds being heard were your sharp, quickened breaths. Arthur took a few seconds to collect himself, feeling better and so satisfied, almost euphoric. Turning your head to the side, you took a glimpse of your lover's gorgeous state. Hair messy, cheeks and ears crimson, sweat dripping everywhere on his skin, chest rising and falling in big, profound exhales.

He then grabbed a piece of fabric from one of the wardrobes to gently wipe off his seed from you, and tossed it away, wanting nothing more but to rest against you now. A perfect contrast, from an agitated, stormy sea to a quiet, secret cove. As if you were the only one who could see him like this, vulnerable, loving even.

You watched him lay by your side on his back, your head still feeling dizzy, slowly coming back from a world of fantasies. You snuggled against him, resting your head on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around you, feeling spent but so, so happy. And you felt the same. Still naked, skin against skin, heart beating together, just the two of you.

Tonight had been quite something, and despite having won a few thousand dollars, it was definitely not money that was making Arthur feel like he had hit the jackpot.

[thethoriumreactor]

Wow reception to my TMAxHazbin au (it doesn’t have a name if y’all have ideas im all for it) was way better than I expected y’all have so much enthusiasm omg

Here’s more of the au for everyone who asked for it, this time with notes on the characters (under the cut)

More characters coming soon in another post

Character infos (part 1):

— Alastor is a former radio host, now true crime podcaster, liked for his great voice, theatrics and morbid sense of humour. He specialises in making carefully worded deals to give his victims a false sense of security, before subtly manipulating them into their downfall; all the while, they usually have the subconscious thought that this isn’t right, why am I doing that, why are they acting like that, what is happening to me, am I being manipulated— He takes pleasure in backing people into a corner that leaves him as the only option to get out. Thinks it’s hilarious to make episodes about his own crimes in his own podcast.

— Lucifer is a former toy maker, coming from old money and declared dead during the many years his Becoming took. He makes his targets, the worst kind of criminals, experience and live their own death in its entirety — an urban legend says that if you’ve done bad in your life, you should hope not to one day find a strangely hypnotising apple in your home, for it means the Devil himself is coming to take your mind, sanity and reputation as punishment for your actions. All he wants is to contribute in some way in his dear Charlie’s life — even if it means dealing with the annoying, creepy spider constantly hanging around her. Marked by the Slaughter, the Desolation, the Dark and the Lonely.

— Vox is a popular journalist known for his charismatic attitude in front of a camera and his ability to persuade others in any debate. He likes to either ruin his victims with information he gathered through observation, or drive them into insanity by constantly following them and giving them the feeling of being watched — surveilled, examined, judged, stalked. He’s involved with two other Avatars, forming an untouchable group of 3. Gets obsessive about people he is interested in and hates rejection — who’s that guy hanging around Alastor?

— Rosie runs a small café, seemingly normal on the outside — and the most popular spot for Avatars looking to meet, trade or relax. Others do the hunting for her as the easiest form of payment for Avatars struggling to integrate into society; she likes to prepare a variety of dishes from the prey brought to her, constantly experimenting with her unfortunate victims — how does meat toughen up under pain? How does the taste change to certain drugs? How much deformity can it handle before collapsing? She’s a good friend of Alastor’s and on amicable terms with all Avatars that don’t wish for trouble. Has been an Avatar for a long time — how long? Who knows.

[ratgrinders]

anyways ivy embra post because on god if she wont get the scenes in canon ill imagine it myself

Ivy and Oisin were friends in middle school. Oisin was still scrawny and hadn't had his growth spurt yet and Ivy hadn't yet gotten her braces taken off. They meet each other in some group project or club or whatever, the setting doesn't matter, but what happens is you have these two children with the inherent shittiness of middle schoolers who maybe haven't had the easiest time making friends because their passive aggressiveness is too aggressive, their barbs not hidden. And they act the same way with this new, kind of nerdy looking stranger they meet and find a kindred spirit. All of a sudden you're 12/13 years old with an outlet for all the shittalking about your classmates you want. You stick together like glue, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you two because they all fuckin suck anyway, and you finally found someone who isn't a wuss and can give as good as they take.

Oisin gets better at hiding it though, being raised by a long family line of evil dragons who have had to hide their connections in plain sight will do that to you. Ivy never lost that edge around her though.

The first day of classes Freshman Year at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, Oisin's met with this group of randos, they seem competent enough, the tall sad one seems nice enough if a bit of a pushover and the small one with the ponytail seems to have her entire academic career planned out already. She's intent on the name the High Five Heroes, it's a pun, get it? Because there's five of them. But Oisin won't go anywhere without his best friend. He pulls Ivy over, and Ivy isn't having the best luck finding a party (she insults them saying why would she want to join a party with any of these losers anyway, when they're put off by one pointed comment too many). Oisin tells the others they could do well with a fighter, that they're sticking together. The tall one, the gnome, and the kobold don't seem to mind (or don't care), but the halfling seems to have swallowed a lemon. "Well, there's six of us now which throws off the entire point of the name, but that's fine! I don't care!" (she's stubborn and doesn't want to change it).

Ivy and Kipperlilly clash CONSTANTLY. Kipperlilly's specific brand of Type A nerdiness and uptightness clashes horrifically with Ivy's specific attitude of not giving a fuck and chronic need to get under people's skin. And yet, Kipperlilly's barely concealed rage and passive aggression leads that same realization Ivy had back in middle school, of having finally found a kindred spirit. If there's two things Kipperlilly and Ivy have in common, it's their initial impression driving most people away, and their need to externalize this jealousy and bad feelings as hatred and disdain for others. They LOVE gossiping. Ivy's always down to be a hater.

Corsica Jones, the fighter teacher, sees Ivy come in on the first day of classes, bow in hand, and is immediately reminded of the sister she lost, who is still missing. Every time she trains Ivy on her stance, on basic hand-to-hand, she's reminded of the times she taught her sister the very same things. She's worried, because Ivy always seems so closed off and not very engaged, so full of rage. Unfortunately Corsica's attempts to reach out and forge a connection are stopped in their infancy when instead the barbarian teacher takes an interest in her. "Well, at least she has support from someone on the faculty, even if it isn't me."

It's Oisin that kills her. They always go off as a pair anyway, and Oisin may have been acting off recently but who is she to judge a bit of anger. But a quick stab to the back, one Choice later, and all Ivy can think about is rage.

After the Mountains of Chaos, Ivy's disdain becomes Venomous. Suddenly its not fun gossip but outright Hatred, its saying words maximized for cruelty directly to the person's face, because there's a kind of sick vindication in hurting the people who rejected you for so long, even if they may not deserve it. She and Kipperlilly don't get along anymore, snide comments and petty jabs devolving into screaming matches and insults. She proposes the name Rat Grinders with Oisin, because her stubbornness at refusing to change the name isn't endearing anymore, and there are six of them, did you oppose me joining the party that badly? It's a bit funny to see her so worked up over a stupid party name, that kind of earnest childish straightforwardness of the High Five Heroes makes her gag. The Rat Grinders is a funny inside joke, and Ivy is not comfortable engaging anymore without that layer of irony. For some reason, it doesn't feel good in the same way to hurt Kipperlilly like this, it just leave a knot of frustration that rankles in her stomach, because why does she care so much??

When Lucy dies, she doesn't remember much. She remembers the realization at the choice she'd made, and the rage that followed. Afterwards, though, was a deep all consuming bitterness. Of course she wasn't coming back, little miss goody two shoes never had any intentions of following through and left the rest of us with the fallout. She never expected otherwise, and she refuses to mourn someone who did not give enough of a shit about them to come back. She doesn't think about how Lucy helped her bleach her hair, how she braided Lucy's in return. How Lucy's birthday was coming up and she bought her new clothes, how that bag will stay unopened in her room now.

When she dies on the floor of her high school gymnasium, desperately defending every callous insult she's made with her dying breath, her last moments are spent locking eyes with her best friend, who is looking on in horror. She thinks back to a similar scenario, last year, when that same friend saw her dying and did nothing. She thinks back to them in seventh grade, trading childish insults without any real weight. And then she doesn't think anything at all.

[oneshlut]

Overjoyed (Dr. Flug x Reader) [Headcanons]

Rules For Requesting

Characters I Will Write For

Masterlist

Summary: General Dr. Flug crushing and confessing headcanons

VERY rarely experiences love. This is very new to him, so he will NOT recognize it the first few months he has a crush

Will think of you as a really close friend! At least, he thinks so. He may get a bit more insecure because he thinks you're a better person than him

If you treat him like a normal person and like.. don't bully him??-- He will get attached. I don't think he's recieved affection in a hot minute

You, overall as a person, fascinate him. How can someone be so kind, smart, witty, good-looking (in a totally platonic way), AND care for him? Part of him thinks you're not real. Don't worry, he just hasn't experienced love that often to know what admiration is

He doesn't understand why he gets so nervous around you. He's not scared of you at all, not like he is around Blackhat--you were, in fact, the opposite of him. So why was he getting all fidgety and jumpy around you? It didn't make sense how he could feel so comfortable around a person, yet still feel so anxious all the while

Over time, he becomes a bit protective over you without really knowing it. He'll push you out of his lab when he's doing a dangerous experiment, or will give you the easiest job on missions (besides 5.0.5.'s). He tries to refrain himself from acting this way sometimes, he doesn't want you to feel like you're incompetent in any way--all his intention was to keep you safe! And now he's spiraling because he doesn't know why he feels so protective over you

Sometimes you'll compliment him, and he feels as if Blackhat himself just told him he did a great job on a mission. Except, this time his heart was beating faster, his palms were more sweaty than usual, it felt stuffy inside his mask, and-- ..Goddammit, why is he getting so nervous again?? He then realizes he hasn't responded to you yet, and mutters a small 'thank you' that made him sound a lot less confident he wished he could've sounded

Eventually, he got sick of it. He needed to find out what the hell was going on. So imagine his mini panic attack when he googles 'why is my heart beating so fast', and Google tells him his heart is failing

It's not like he doesn't know what love is, no, far from it. He's seen his average romcoms (and hated them), he knows what love should be like. Hell, he knows the entire chemical formula for the damn feeling. He was just never able to understand what others felt when they said they were 'in love'. Until now.

For him, it was unbelievably weird to have his heart race for someone that wasn't out of fear. Honestly, he.. liked the feeling. If it weren't for how he reacted to it.

Dr. Flug wasn't this nervous around you before. Normally, not at all. When you hung out at his lab, he would ramble on and on about his inventions, only checking in every few minutes to make sure you weren't getting bored of him or anything. But now, knowing his feelings for you, he feels horribly nervous around you. This affects every little thing he does, and he hates it.

When you hang out with Flug now, he realizes how truly lucky he is for you to even do more than just glance over him. Him? Why him? Why not spend your time with anyone else..?

Then he realizes you actually care about him. His existence. He isn't.. invisible to you. And suddenly he's over the moon.

Right--about the way Flug acts around you. Every conversation you have with him suddenly has this weird air around it. You could tell he was more nervous than.. well, usual, but whenever you asked he just waved it off as some upcoming mission or invention he still had to work on. You'd normally decide not to dwell on it too much.

On his end, he thought he was doing everything horribly wrong in front of you. "Catch you on the flip side"??? When has he ever said something like that?! Not to mention his stammering practically increased by 5 times its normal amount, as he was fumbling over most words in every single sentence he dared mutter around you. If he wasn't talking, he was tripping over his untied shoelaces (he almost always had them tied, god, what happened to his schedule-?) or spilling some important chemical all over his workspace.

Overall, he was more fidgety than normal, and he hated it. It made him want to tear his bag out. Why couldn't he just be normal around you? Now he's just worse than he ever was. All his attempts of impressing you were down the drain at this point. But at least he hasn't completely drawn you away--I mean, you still liked hanging out with him! At least, he thinks you like spending time with him.. Part of him is still just the slightest bit insecure.

His worry for you has increased when you go on missions with him now. Part of him wants to just keep you in the hat ship so you don't get involved in something messy, but he knows that would be unfair for you. Flug just worries about you getting hurt, is all. He tries to focus on you a bit more during missions to make sure you're doing alright, but sometimes this just causes him to fuck up even more in front of you. Way to go, Flug. He suddenly feels as if his engineering and villainy PhDs didn't really do that much for him in the long run.

As we all know, Dr. Flug is far from someone to act on feelings. He acts on his logic, most of the time at least. With this in mind, he is the last person you'd think of as someone who would confess their feelings to someone. In all honesty, even if he did muster up the courage to try, he would pass out on the spot. So, he just tries to wait it out until this crush subsides. Spoiler alert: it doesn't!

Right, right--so, since he probably won't ever come clean about his feelings to you, you'll probably eventually just have to confess yourself. Unless Flug slips up one day and accidentally says he loves you in one of his long-winded rambles, in which would make a very awkward situation.

Under the circumstances that you do confess to him first, he.. well, Flug won't believe you at first. You've probably just gotten yourself mixed in with one of Demencia's pranks. A bit cruel, but nothing he couldn't handle. He will have to talk to Demencia later though, she's been getting on his nerves lately.. And besides, the whole spiel of you actually liking him, caring for him, and wanting to be with him? Yeah, okay.

So he laughs. And then he realizes you're serious. Oh. You're serious.. Oh.

Ohhhhhh crap. Okay! So you like him. It was.. It didn't feel real. But it was. And now that same feeling came back to him, the one where he feels his hands getting sweatier, his bag getting stuffier, and.. a new symptom. His legs turned flimsy, and could now just barely hold his body. He leaned onto his desk for support. If only he could see how red his bag was at the time.

And yes, you were able to calm him down, but even as the day progressed, Flug still couldn't swallow the situation. He laid in his bed unmoving, still, and.. awake. He couldn't get his mind off of anything that had happened that afternoon. He's probably pinched himself at least 6 times now, making sure he wasn't just dreaming or anything. After the 7th pinch.. yep, he wasn't.

Eventually, this surprise faded away into another new emotion.

Overjoyed.

[petew21-blog]

Read the fine print

Rental agent:"Ok, sir. Do you understand everything that has been said and you raid the Terms and conditions?"

Tom:"Yeah. I did and yes." Tom signed the contract from rental company, thinking that no one ever ready Terms and conditions.

Rental agent:"Well, now that everything is settled. Let's take a photo of you so that we have everything complete"

Tom:"You put owner photos on the add with the vehicle"

Agent looking confused:"Well in cases like yours it's pretty standard so that the customers know who to look for. Ok, sit over there and smile for me"

"This was strange, but necessary." Tom thought to himself. He had recently some financial problems that forced him to do something extra to earn more money. While out with friends, he confessed his problems and they gave him a contact for this company. Saying that he can rent out a room in his house or his motorcycle.

Tom didn't really want anybody else in his house or even riding his prescious Ducati. But if he would ever sort this financial situation early, than this would be the easiest solution

Tom received the adress from the rental company where he was supposed to meet the first client renting his motorcycle

Tom waited at the spot. A very old man approached him:"Ahhhh, good day, sir. You must be Tom". Tom looked at him from top to bottom. This old man wanted to ride his motorcycle? What was the company thinking? What of he crashes somewhere? He won't be able to life the vehicle back up. Or himself. There was no way he would let this happen

"I'm sorry but this must be some kind of mistake" Tom said

The man:"Oh no, I am sure I found the right man. I have your photo from the company and photo of your motorcycle"

Tom:"Not to be rude, but are you sure you'll be able to drive it? You look... a bit fragile."

The man:"Oh, boy. Then why do you think I picked you?"

Tom;"Sir, I am not a taxi nor a tour guide to drive everyone in the city"

The man:"I wouldn't expect you to do that. But I am sure that I will be able to handle that with your strength and your ability to drive it"

Tom:"With my strength? What are you on about?"

The man:"Haha, boy. Now you sound like a senile old man. And I am 93. I have the right to sound like one"

Tom:"Yeah. Anyway. You can call the rental company and they will give you your money back. I am sure. I'll call them that they wanted to rent out the vehicle to someone... incapable and they will find you a different ride to enjoy"

The man:"Dear boy, I don't think you read your contract. Did you?"

Tom:"What makes you say that?"

The man:"You rented out your motorcycle and your body along with it"

Tom was in shock. Did the man really meant what he was saying or was it again just another bunch of crap? Tom decided he wasn't interested in finding out and decided to leave

But as soon as he turned around he felt a sharp pain on his back. Something was trying to get in. To everyone else on the street it must have been a normal second of time. But for Tom it felt like it took an hour just to move. Yet, he couldn't move anymore. He could still feel, hear and see. But he couldn't move an inch of his body. His body now moved on its own. Tom started panicking.

His body looked at his hands and arms. It patted his abs and then groped his bulge.

"What's happening?"

The man:"Oh you can't be mad at me, Tom. I haven't been this young in over half a century. I was really looking forward to it"

Tom:"What? How are you doing this?"

The man:"As I said. I bought the experience from the rental company. I get to have your body and your Ducati. Can you imagine my old body riding that thing?"

Tom"This is mental. This isn't happening"

The man:"I assure you it is. You should read the fine print, my boy."

The man now walking with Tom's body sat on the motorcycle and looked at himself in the mirror.

Now speaking directly to his reflection

"Look, Tom. I really don't want to cause you any trouble. I am too old to do much in my body, but now in yours I can do so much. And I heard from the company that you were really willing to rent so I suspect you have some financial problems. I can help with that"

Tom:"How?"

The man:"I can give you my body's money. All of it"

Tom:"Why would you do that?"

The man:"Because I want them to be put to good use. And I know you will use them right "

Tom:"what's the catch?"

The man:"Keep me in your body and let me have the driving seat from time to time. I want to be young like you again. I don't want to steal your life and I'm not ready to die yet. Therefore this is the best option for me:

Tom:"So that would mean you would be everywhere with me? Seeing and feeling everything as me?"

The man:"Yes. But we can swap who is in the back of your mind and who is driving. Haha. I'll be like your second inner voice"

Tom thought about it, bit couldn't make up his mind. It didn't sound that bad. He could use the money and also help an old man to enjoy a part of his life. And if that meant he would have to share a bit of his time and body, then that wasn't so bad.

Tom:"I'll have to think about it. I still don't know you. And also please put a hand to your ear so that people think I'm calling someone. They are looking weird at me talking to myself"

The man smiled and immediately put a hand to his ear:"Oh where are my manners. I am Nicholas Connor. I have had a fee wives but no children. I was a director of a big company, which gave me enough money to enjoy life. But I still want to keep on enjoying it"

Tom:"Nice to meet you Nicholas. Do you mind driving us to my... our appartement?"

Nicholas:"Right on, chap"

Tom's body started inspecting the Ducati. Nicholas put on his new helmet and stretched out his arms in the jacket

Nicholas:"Oh this feels nice"

His muscle memory knew what to do and how to drive. Tom was still impressed how the body possession went and how was Nicholas actually doing good as Tom

Nicholas arrived in front of Tom's appartement building

Nicholas:"You live quite far from the city centre, Tom. Must be hard always driving so far"

Tom:"I enjoy driving, but yeah. It's costly. But not as much as paying rent in the city centre"

Nicholas entered Tom's appartement. It was small and messy, but suitable to a man like Tom

Nicholas:"I'm not saying anything mean. But you know It could look better"

Tom:"Yeah I know. I was... busy"

Nicholas started undressing

Tom:"What are you doing?"

Nicholas took off every piece of clothing throwing it on the ground. "Tom, I am old. Being in this young body makes me want to inspect it. Enjoy the youth. I'm sure you understand"

Nicholas looked over his body in the mirror. Then started laughing

Tom felt insecure:"I know I'm not one of the biggest. By my dick is not a joke"

Nicholas:"Oh its not that, Tom. Your penis is amazing. I just haven't had an erection in years. I think you and I are gonna have a lot of fun"

Few months later. Tom's body was walking down the street

Tom's body speaking:"Yeah, but this time you're cooking. I cooked last night and you hated it. So now it's your turn. Yeah right. After all that you still want more?"

He went swiftly to the company building that previously belonged to Nicholas

"And what are we gonna do tonight? Oh yeah? That sounds great. But not if you rush things like always. Haha. I never finished so fast before"

A security guard noticed Tom's body entering the building and rapidly opened the door:"Good morning, sir"

Tom's body:"Good morning"

Tom's body to phone:"Look, you know I can't keep on saying more stuff like this. I know it makes us hard and you like it, but I'm at work now. Yes we will go on a ride this afternoon. I know how horny that makes us."

"Now? But I just arrived. Fine."

Storming out from the parking lot was Tom's body in a suit speeding on the street away from the building, smiling and laughing.

Tom's body:"We're hard already? Well the ride should be fun"

Tom and Nicholas were now one being. Constantly switching who was controlling the body, but treating the other one as an equal part of the body and as a best friend

The security guard smiled as he saw the new young owner of the building driving away, enjoying life.

A message request and an inbox request from @

Tom was going through some financial problems and his best friend advised him that maybe he could rent a room in his house, or even rent his Ducati, that would make him a lot of money. But Tom didn't check properly what the rental company did, and he didn't realize that he was not only renting his Ducati, but his body as well. That's why he was surprised when he went to the place where he had met the client and saw that the man was at least 90 years old, but it was too late to back out.

[xcyphoz0a]

4 steps to (not so) discreetly show interest + the one moment you do.

Recipient: @yuellii , secret santa event! Enjoy :)

Gender neutral reader, fluff TW/CW: injury(minor) Word count: 2739 Proofread: n/a | she think’s she’s discreet, her act is to perfection. is it? oh, no, no– you know. it’s painfully obvious but you can’t help but watch in amusement, watching as she trip on her own heels, but you’re there to help. | A/N: set in modern times, highschool au, ITS CHRISTMAS, SNOW!! :D

Furina, as confident and enthusiastic she may be on stage, still has sides that she feels difficult to show– perhaps some of her more softer and ‘weaker’ sides that she kept behind the facade of flamboyancy.

Recently having found newfound interest in you, the school librarian, she couldn’t help but subconsciously make her way to the school library, taking a seat near your station, peeking from the top of her book as she watches you work on your laptop.

Perhaps it was in the spur of the moment, or it was her muscles that moved on their own, when she had walked up towards the small desk, slamming her hands down on the table.

Eyes moving rapidly from your startled form towards the book ridden wall, she finds her words stuck in her throat, unable to form a coherent sentence.

You adjust your posture as you form a small smile, not knowing what to say.

“May I help you?”

Furina finds her face flaring up into fire as she rethinks her sudden movements, finding herself at a loss of words. She stares at you for a good while until you wave a timid hand in front of the famous school actress.

“Ah, I thought I saw a bug near you– haha…”

The heterochromia girl wanted to sink into a hole and never be seen again– what kind of excuse was that? – to her, it seemed like a loss of face as one of the best students with great acting in the drama club. 

“I… see. Thanks for your concern.” Your voice is laced with some bit of confusion, watching the flustered girl run outside of the library.

Interesting…

1) Befriending you

Furina, at first, finds this idea of hers quite easy.

“You know, I think befriending them is the easiest way to win their heart!” Her voice is filled with anticipation, until she gets shut down by another club member.

“But that can make them only see you as a friend, perhaps?” Yun Jin suggests, “It may not be a 100% possibility, but there’s a chance.”

“True, true, like, you might become one of those second leads that finds their romantic interest get taken away by someone else!” Hu Tao chimes, hands animatedly flailing around.

Furina slumps down on the chair as she sighs. Perhaps she just had to keep it to herself.

“But you can try to woo them, find out their interests maybe?” Nilou pitches an idea.

The white haired girl straightens back in her chair again, grabbing a hold of the red haired’s hands, heterochromic eyes sparkling as she hurriedly mutters out a thank you, running towards the library.

The three look at the door that Furina dashed out of, sharing a knowing look as they hear her footsteps fade.

The sliding door of the library opens as the girl slumps down a bit, taking some breaths as she makes her way to her usual spot to ‘read’, sneaking glances at your form typing away on your laptop. Tapping sounds of the keyboard is heard throughout the ambient silence as Furina closes her book, walking towards your desk as you look up at the approaching figure.

“May I help you?” You close your laptop as you tilt your head.

“Ah, no– I just, well, wanted to know you better– I think my actions yesterday shocked you a little, yeah?”

You smile as you nod slightly, finding some amusement in the obvious stuttering the famed actress’ words. You think you know what’s going on.

Furina conjures up a small smile, “So, as an… apology! I’d like to treat you to something you like, if you have the time…” voice fading as she waits for your response.

“I’m free today after club activities, is that okay with you?”

The girl in front of you perks up as she nods, the single lock of hair seemingly also bouncing up and down, thanking you for your time as she makes her way out of the library– in a calmer manner.

As the door closes, you can hear a faint, ‘Yay!’, with excited footsteps fading into the distance.

Cute.

2) Sitting closer

After Furina’s apology, the two of you became closer, finding the two of you going out regularly towards the small cafe outside of the school after club activities from school. Some days when one of you didn’t have the time, it felt slightly odd and empty, finding nothing interesting to do.

You haven’t noticed yet, but Furina thinks it’d be better for you to not to know, as she takes the seat opposite of you in the library as she opens the book to the bookmark she placed, blushing when she finds the exact book next to your arm, with a small paper folded saying ‘Furina’s’

The white haired girl thinks her club members– friends– are delusional when they tease her about how you may like her back.

She wishes it was true, but the chance of you liking her back in that way was way too low. Always slamming her forehead onto the round table in the drama room.

Today, she came from the drama room once again, though with a slight red marking on her forehead from the excessive slamming of her head onto the table, smiling weakly as you turn your head towards the library’s entrance, greeting her like you always did.

You refocus on your laptop again, until you jerk your head back towards Furina, eyebrows furrowing at the circular red swelling of her forehead. Standing up from your seat, you walk towards the white haired girl, brushing her hair from her face.

“You’re hurt…” 

Furina’s unable to think nor respond as she slightly malfunctions between the small distance from you to her, once again, finding herself at a loss for words.

You take the girl’s hand as you lead her towards the infirmary, setting Furina down on one of the beds as you search for a cooling pack in the fridge.

“You should be more careful next time, what if you get a concussion?” Your voice is laced with concern as you carefully pack the cold pack with tissue, setting it on the girl’s forehead.

“I accidentally slammed my head on the table too hard today– nothing serious!”

You sigh as you let Furina hold the ice pack on her head, making sure to check for any signs of other damage, until you find a small but bleeding cut on the top of her knee.

“What happened here?”

“I don’t know how that happened, really! I’m serious… I didn’t feel anything there–”

You rush to get some disinfectant and a bandaid, setting a chair towards the bed as you sanitise the cut, applying some pressure. Setting the bandaid on the small injury, you look at the girl as she stares back at you, dumbfounded and flustered.

You squint your eyes in confusion until you recall your actions, finding yourself flustered and bashful as well.

3) Trying to impress

The day after that small interaction was pretty normal.

“...I’m telling you, Furina, they definitely like you back!” an energetic voice is heard outside of the drama room as the said girl slaps her hands on Hu Tao’s mouth.

“Be quiet! I don’t want anyone to hear about this– I want to keep my dignity today!”

Yun Jin laughs as she agrees with Hu Tao, “I’m sure (y/n) likes you back, you said they were also flustered in the end as well, no?”

“But still– they could be just caring…”

This time, Nilou shakes her head. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of (y/n) doing that to any of their friends– I can try ask Tighnari– he’s one of their closest friends, if my memory serves me right.”

Slightly– quite obviously– desperate, Furina nods, clasping her hands around Nilou’s own.

“That’d be wonderful! Thank you so much, Nilou~”

A few days later, Nilou brings in newfound information from Tighnari about you.

“Apparently, they aren’t outwardly caring, but do care for their friends… oh! And he did say they seemed to find interest in someone in the school, but didn’t tell him who…”

Furina, with the first bit of information, perked up in glee, though soon dropped on the floor in some despair when she heard the latter.

“They definitely don’t like me back… archons, what will I do?”

As the imaginary rain and thunder cloud splashed tears of despair onto the white haired girl, Yun Jin speaks.

“That mysterious person could be you–”

“That, is being delusional!” Furina chides.

“Maybe you can try impressing them in some way?” Hu Tao mumbles, chin on hand, “They’re the librarian, right? Try reading something they like or something, I don’t know~”

With the brunette’s suggestion, the girl in distress seem to have a weight lifted off her shoulders as she smiles.

“Great idea, Hu Tao!”

And off went Furina, skipping towards the entrance of the library once again.

Yun Jin sighs in amusement, closing the room’s door, chuckling at how this situation felt like many cliches in romance dramas.

When the familiar footsteps of Furina’s shoes clacked on the wooden and marble tiles of the floor, you look towards the library entrance, expecting the white haired girl to arrive soon enough.

“Welcome back.”

Furina’s eyes seemingly brighten when she hears your voice, as she nearly skids towards the opposite seat, sitting down in front of you as she leans towards your laptop.

“So, (Y/n), I think I’ve ran out of books to read, any suggestions for books you like?”

The girl prides herself for not stuttering this time– she thinks that now, she perfected her acts to hide her feelings.

“Oh? Well– I don’t really have much suggestions, but I can lend you a book that I finished reading last week, if you’d like?”

The floating lock of white hair bobs up and down vigorously as Furina hears your suggestion. You smile a little, reaching down for your back and picking up the hardcover book.

“Tell me about it after you read it, yeah?”

“Alright~”

4) Jealousy?

Furina thinks she really isn’t the jealous type– especially when she isn’t in a relationship at all.

She also thinks that she shouldn’t really be jealous when she thinks–thinks– you smile more when you’re talking with Neuvillette.

But she can’t help but find a grimace settling on her face whenever she sees the tall white haired man in the library, taking her seat as you both talk about some matters surrounding costs in the library– it wasn’t something really meaningful, but perhaps it was the jealousy setting in, as she feels like the person you were interested in could be one of her friends– moreso babysitter– but still, she disliked the odd feeling in her chest.

“What if they like Neuvillette? I definitely saw them smiling–”

The rest of her words are muffled in her sweater sleeve as she buries her face, unable to knock the odd feeling in her chest.

“That’s your feelings acting up there, messes up with your logical view on a situation, Furina.” Yun Jin sighs, patting the despair stricken girl on the back.

“But still, think about it– it’s possible!”

Hu Tao seems to be fed up with Furina’s continuous despair, drawling out,“Yeah, yeah, what were they talking about anyway?”

The latter’s mouth thins out to a straight line. “Costs…”

Several sighs are heard from her club members, as the white haired girl peeks up from her arm.

“Yeah, no chance of (Y/n) liking Neuvillette, he’s in the student council, of course he’s going to talk about costs with the student librarian!”

Hu Tao sighs, hands and shoulders creating a shrugging motion as she slumps down to her chair.

Furina sighs as she slinks down on the chair, heterochromia eyes staring up at the ceiling.

However, the four club members’ attention is directed towards the door, several knocks heard from outside. Furina weakly speaks,

“Come in…”

Your hand slides open the wooden door to the drama club, waving a small ‘hi’ towards the startled three. Your shoes make little sounds on the floor as you tap the white haired girl’s shoulder, watching the girl immediately correct both her posture and expression.

“Are you still coming to the cafe? You weren’t near the library for a while, so I wanted to ask–”

“Oh, it’s already time? I guess I was a little caught off, haha– shall we go now?”

You nod, already near the entrance door as you wave back towards the three other members, taking the much happier girl in tow with you as the two of you walk towards the cafe outside of the school.

“I’m like, 1000% sure that they both like each other, it’s so suffocating–”

“Definitely.”

“I think so too…”

5) Your own interest.

In your opinion, you didn’t really find anyone in the school pretty interesting– though your friends, particularly Tighnari and Cyno, did comment that it was most likely due to how much time you spent stuck in the library.

It all changed when a random girl– which you later knew as one of the most popular and famous actress in the drama club in the school– slammed her hands in front of you.

After the small interaction, you found slight interest towards her, finding amusement whenever she tripped on her own heels, both metaphorically and literally, stuttering in the moments when the both of you were alone, and how she became more fidgety during those moments.

You didn’t know that you’d find someone as interesting and funny like Furina in your school years, but you think that this pretty much changed when you saw the girl hurt.

It must’ve been your subconcsiousness acting, because you barely remembered what happened, but you know you remember how Furina stared at you, face red hot, as you found yourself close and taking care of the injury. You remember how after that day, you’d find yourself blushing and warm thinking of the girl.

It was until Tighnari told you that Nilou– one of the other drama club members– asked him for some of your information, telling you his own thought– which you can directly quote,

“Maybe Furina asked her? They’re all pretty close, so it does make some sense.”

Especially when you told Tighnari about how you did find some interest in Furina, Tighnari did convey some information, though taking away some information just for some amusement.

It also didn’t really help when one of your other friends, as well as senior, Lisa, told you that your interest was most likely romantic attraction after you told some of your feelings about Furina towards the senior librarian.

With you, nearly a hundred percent sure about your feelings being reciprocated, waited for Furina to be at the library or its vicinity, but weren’t able to find her after your conversation with Neuvillette.

Perhaps, you think, she went home because of the cold? It is winter…

You take some hesitant but haste steps towards the drama room, knocking on the door as you hear the familiar yet uncharacteristic deflated voice of the white haired girl speak out a weak ‘come in’. You sigh in slight relief, knowing that she didn’t go home yet.

When the two of you make your way towards the cafe that the both of you mostly went after extracurricular activities, you decide to say your feelings– it was now or never.

“Wait, I have something to, uh, say.”

The girl next to you turns towards you, attention focused on your tensed form, eyebrows raising up in both confusion and anticipation.

“Uh… I– I like you, a lot, really…”

Furina’s face heats up, blinking incredulously at you as you look away, unable to look at the heterochromia eyed girl, finding interest in the falling snowflakes from the dark but nice clouds in the sky, though your head immediately turns back as you feel her hands taking your own.

“That’s– that… I– I like you too!”

You smile. Your confession definitely wasn’t one of the smoothest, nor was it the best– but you knew that now, your feelings were reciprocated.

“So, we’re official now?”

“Of course we are– besides, you should be feeling grateful that I– Furina– even liked you back~”

You bonk her head slightly as the two of you make your way towards the cafe, snow crunching on the pavement as you watch the warm orange fairy lights decorate the cafe.

“Merry Christmas.”

[astra-galaxie]

I DID IT!! Here’s the whole thing copy pasted from Google docs!!

The Player’s general skills and implied personality + some stuff abt them! (as far as i can gather, at least, tell me if i missed smth!)

*Note that these skills do not include case specific stuff (like the time they discovered a new species in Pacific Bay)

-Exceptionally skilled at handling the forensic kit,in S1, Jones had challenged the player to uncrack a code while he recites the alphabet from A, and the player cracked the code just before he hit the letter F. It takes about a few seconds, so that says a lot.

-The player has freaky intuition skills in general. I mean, in quite literally every case, they figure out what evidence is needed, what could count as evidence, and searches through things most would gloss over. Their partners acknowledge this a lot, more in the first cases since they just met.

-Can keep a level head even in high stress or even dangerous situations even when their partners cant, whether its during or after the cases. Jones addressed this after court quite a few times in the first season. Also, the player’s able to calm down whoever thier with or

*Add on, in S4, while facing Cappechi & Finley for the first time, he managed to intimidate Isaac on both occasions, however, the player remained composed enough to be able to file evidence against them.

-Works out. In Good Girls dont die, a case in S1, while Grace tries to convince Martha to calm down, she states that the player has already kicked down the door. Like, kick. The player probably doesnt even have any special gear on them, so either the door is weak or, the more likely theory is that the player got dem legs frfr

-Has quite the memory. Easiest case to get this info from is during S4, in the case Eyes Wide Shut, player and Isaac identify a rice makeup composition on the item, Player can easily recall that 17 cases back, which give or take a few, is about a monthish? That Madam Xiang was wearing it. Mind you, at this stage in case Eyes Wide Shut, the duo had only spoken to Madam Xiang once, and she never mentioned the makeup.

-The Bureau themselves asked for the player to join them, that in itself is already a accomplishment, since the Bureau is like, the elite of the elite in the police world.

-Their temper seems to be much milder, or at least, more controlled. Its more evident with Frank and David (S1) since the chiefs often say the player is much calmer than them, hell, David got in trouble for being too brash and got so many complaints he had to file paperwork.

-They do indeed make mistakes, one of my friends irl kept saying the player was a Mary Sue esque kind, but in S3, they were also led on by the Warren guy after he framed the Guru, and they were kidnapped by Karen in S2. If they were so called ‘Mary Sues’, they’d probably figure out a way to not get captured and be the person whos left unscathed and babied by the team.

-Maybe a similar point, but they have sharp eyes and possibly very good eyesight. In a case with Jonah as a partner in S3 during one of the Additional Investigations, the player spots a tent from afar up a mountain. Not to mention its always them who finds everything lol

-The player is good at calming down their partners or whoever is working with them tbh. Like every time one of their case partners are loosing hope, breaking down, feeling impatient or angry, the player snaps them back to their senses.

-They arent quite up to date with some stuff, or simply put, most likely arent that geeky like Jones is, or probably that interested in acting and stuff, in S4 when Isaac asks them how they have no idea who Dolly Darnell (famous actress) and a famous chess master is. Personally would love to think they’d love to listen to their friends and team talk about certain personal interests of thiers.

-Most definitely has a good physique. In S2, Roxie comments that they fit perfectly into a diving suit, which is typically quite tight, so we can assume their physical health is in good or in its prime, in S7, Ben mentions the player has great reflexes for being able to dodge a chupabara attack.

-Can handle a gun better than the average policeman could, probably. In S4, they got into a gunfight with their team against Capecchi and his men, and the team won, so probably suggests that either the rest did most of the work, or the player is good enough to aim and shoot down a whole bunch of tough ahh men.

-Has better driving skills than Jones

-The chiefs often say the player is a rolemodel of what the rest of the team members should be, often, its Frank and Jones being reprimanded and being compared to the Player.

-Implied to be a pretty sarcastic and humorous person, whenever the person their working with for a case or a suspect makes a unfunny or less than tasteful joke, or just does smth weird in general, they always tell the player to ‘not look at them like that’

*Jones seems to be the one saying this the most, including Frank because he teases the player a lot as well.

-Patient. The cheifs say the player is patient, and im sure having Frank work with them would make their temper flare at leats three times in a single hour if the player wasnt a patient person.

-Knows how to handle and drag themselves + their team out of wallowing after a crisis. In S3, Ripley praises the player for being able to rise up after her ‘death’ so quickly, and solving her ‘death’ as well.

-Thier spice tolerence is off the charts, could bet money that they definitely could eat a few hot peppers and only complain of a bit of bite on their tongue. Even Rita admits their tolerance is higher and she’s tough as hell.

-Reliable adult, probably good or decent with children. They were the adult Matilda came running to (in Grimsborough S1) while her own parents were arguing. Jones said this as well when reprimanding the dad.

-My friend (yes the same one) keeps saying that the player would be homophobic?? What?? At least one of their core team members are gay as hell, cmon bruh

-Is most definately empathic and more adept at handling sensitive cases, whether by sensitive, its a matter of whether the press gets ahold and it could be bad, or its sensitive like family and personal matters get involved. When their partners make a distasteful comment or joke, no matter how mild, the player is implied to have told them off (ahem, Jones, Frank and Roxie)

-Good at undercover work, its shows in S4 during the last district, does the S4 part where they have to break Florence Samuels out with Rose count?

-They solve cases within the day or in a few hours, the latest they’ve ever finished a case was in the evening and then again, the player had only started on it in the afternoon.

-A kind person in general. I mean, for one, if i was a homicide investigator and every time i do an investigation, multiple people want my help?? I’d bail, nuh uh. AND not to mention, its time consuming bc theres always the need for analysis, and with sometimes, personal and professional problems get mixed up halfway.

-They most definitely have the money to live comfortably, they have the money to take James Savage for shopping for a new funeral suit and outfit, and they recieve so much spare cash from suspects during the AI.

-I feel like they probably have a good fashion sense, but on that point, can we talk about their closet size?? They get so many articles of clothing, they would definitely be the kind to overdress on every occasion and still look fabulous.

-I would not be surprised if its end up being revealed that they were a reformed thief or some wild shit like that, how does a rookie officer know how to crack a lock in seconds??

-Do you guys think their banned from being the seeker whenever the office decides to play hide and seek because their so good at finding stuff? Like, the last time they were the seeker they probably caught everyone in less than 30 minutes or some shit

-In addition to that helping people shit, the player’s either just energetic in general or their ass is running on coffee and pure willpower because i CANNOT do what their doing, their partners dont even stay consistent throughout the entire AI, and sometimes, in the official investigation itself

-Player’s a positive influence on the people around them, and this prob my nth time mentioning them, but JONES AND FRANK!! Grace says at the end of S1 that the Player’s influenced them positively a lot, and Karen says that as well abt Player’s influence on Frank.

-More on the energy thing, they work overtime so often im surprised they havent asked for a raise or something (then again, the chiefs probably automatically gave them one anyways, maybe even more)

-Not afraid of them high rankers!! S4 for example, no matter how many times Commisioner Baldwin threatened them, they are not afraid, gives 0 fucks, did not gaf even tho Andrea told them to leave Jazz Town before the hurricane kills them

-Player def got a strong stomach and do not care about getting ther hands dirty, they’ve seen so many dead bodies in the most gruesome settings possible, and they dig through trash every case, they have definitely seen…stuff. Oh yeah, they’ve seen so much raunchy and sexual stuff I don’t think they’d be too fazed anymore.

-Offically, including the S4, S6 and S7 cases, they’ve solved 370 cases in their entire career, including a cold case in S5, maybe indirectly, a few more in S5 due to the Rocket Cow killer being discovered, and a few more side murders due to how many serial killers they’ve arrested, so the victims get justice.

-They get offered or are the ones paying the first round for drinks quite a lot, so I’d assume that either they dont drink at all, or they can hold their alcohol well.

-Has gained fame as both as a detective world wide and citywide, AND in Pacific Bay as a co owner of a movie and had their cases featured in another movie! I’d assume their movies are out by S3 or by S5.

-Magic hands, anything damaged can get so well repaired its like it was never broken, or the partners and the suspects are just trying to make the player not feel bad lol

-They seem to not mind… leftovers, or anything that is edible but looks or taste unappealing… I mean, if we get a burger everytime a prisoner gives up their prison slop to the player, does that imply they ate it no problemo??

Sidenote: it feels like I’m putting the player on a pedestal at some parts… I assure you I’m not trying to 🥲🥲

Sorry, it took so long for me to answer this! I FINALLY found the time to sit down, read and react to it!

And to start this off: HOLY SHIT!😲 (I mean this in the best way possible!)

(Live footage of me giving this post as much love as possible. Yes, I am secretly an alien gremlin!😉)

I'm going to try to go through each section at a time, so prepare for a long post!

-Sometimes, I wonder if anyone else has training when it comes to the forensic kit... I remember Jack claiming to be a pro at the vacuum tool, but we NEVER see him use it! Or any of our partners, for that matter!🙄

-It wouldn't surprise me if the player was psychic! Or at least partly! I don't think I've seen anyone make a psychic player OC yet, but it would be an interesting concept!

-After everything the player has seen, even just in the first season alone, it's no surprise they know how to keep their cool!

(At least Isaac got more confident at dealing with Finley! Though we can't blame him for being scared of Mad Dog!)

-Kicking down a door is no easy task! (Not that I've ever tried it.) So the player must try to keep themself in shape! And clearly, they don't skip leg day!🦾🦿

-I wish I had the player's memory sometimes... My working memory is slowly going downhill! And yeah, remembering something as minor as someone wearing rice makeup from months ago is impressive! Esapiclly considering everything that's happened between the cases!

-I have the theory that if CC had continued, we would have been recruited into the GIA or another secret spy agency like we were for the Bureau! After all, their resume would be as impressive as it is long!

-Some characters could learn from the player and their ability to control their temper... (*cough* Frank *cough*)

-I can see where your friend got the "Mary Sue" idea from. The player is constantly being praised for their work, but they still make mistakes and learn from them, like you said!

-Forget 20/20 vision; the player has the best eyes in the world! They must be the champion in Eye Spy and Hidden Object games!

-If the player ever decided to change careers, they could be a therapist! Or an anger management coach!

-With how busy the player is, it's unsurprising they don't have time to be up-to-date with some things...

As for the S4 thing, I like the idea of the player being from away and not knowing about Concordian celebrities, unlike their partners!

-In conjunction with the strength one, the player must take care of themself by eating well (ignoring all the free hamburgers they get...) and staying active!

-I think it's stated that the team worked together to defeat Capecchi and his men, but the player obviously knows how to handle a gun in order to stand their ground against them!

-Well, Jones did crash at least once that we know of, unlike the player...😉

-With how good the player is implied to be, I bet they would win employee of the month every month! Move over, Sponge Bob! We've got a new champ in town!

-Sometimes, I wish we had dialogue options just to see the jokes and witty remarks the player could make!

-The player must have the patience of a saint to put up with some of the people and things they have to deal with!

-For the amount of shit they find themself in, the player knows a thing or two about how to get out of it and drag others out with them!

-Given that Rita looked like she was on fire while eating the salsa, the player either has a steal tongue or no feeling in it to handle eating all that spice!

-I like to think the player is good with children too. After all, almost every time we meet a child in the game, they seem to love the player!

-I can't see how your friend came to the homophobic conclusion either! The player works with several LGBTQ+ teammates and interacts with even more LGBTQ+ characters outside the teams! Are we sure they played the same CC game?

-The player is one of the game's most empathetic people. Even after so much death and pain, they still are. And they know how to stay professional when working on a sensitive case.

-I'd count it as evidence of them being good at undercover work! They're also constantly undercover in S6 and manage to fool nearly everyone they meet!

-I've always wondered about the timeline for solving a case... I swear they finish every case within a shift! I think the only one I canonly recall taking more than a day was Anatomy of Murder when Jones talks about reading his book before bed during chapters 2&1 (I think...).

-The player has a heart of gold, and it's a miracle they still do by the end of the series!✨

-They must be LOADED! But if people keep giving them free money on top of their job income, it's no surprise they probably don't have to worry about money!

-With all the clothes and accessories they get throughout the series, they could have a whole floor in their house dedicated to their closet! Hopefully, they donate anything they no longer want.

-A common theme among OC players is that they always have a secret past! I'm sure someone must have made one with a past as a thief or something to help explain how they're so good at picking locks!

-Agreed. They are only allowed to participate in hide-and-go-seek by being the timekeeper.

-The player must live off of coffee, energy drinks, or SOMETHING to be so energetic! I know I wouldn't be so excited to do extra work by helping people after solving a murder! I hope they get extended vacations to make it even!

-Player, spreading positivity wherever they go!✨

-They better get paid WELL for everything they do for their job, teammates, cities and citizens!

-They've got nerves of steel and the bravery of a god to stand up against so much higher authority! They've even talked back to royalty before, too!

-For how often they search through the trash, they either have no sense of smell or the strongest stomach in the world!

-The player's case record is unbeatable! And they solved all those cases in under a decade, according to the undefined timeline!

-I think the drink thing stopped after S2 (or at least I don't remember it happening as much after that season), but they are still often invited for drinks one way or another!

-I'll never know how they weren't recognized in S7, given how famous they are! For changing to such a secret job when they joined the supernatural hunters, it's a surprise they weren't recognized! Especially considering we run into past characters!🤔

-The player is probably the first person people go to after breaking something! We'll never know how they manage to fix things so perfectly! Unless they really ARE magic!🤔

-The player never does say no to free food... Even when they really should! How they never got food poisoning (Jones flashback intensify) will remain a mystery!

-Don't worry; other characters put the player on a pedestal for us!😉

Phew! That was a workout! Hopefully, we didn't lose you guys!😅

I can tell you put a lot of work into this, so let me be the first to say good job!🥳✨

NOW TAKE A BREAK! You deserve it after creating this doc!

You captured a lot of the player's traits and successes! And I look forward to seeing what others think about your analysis! And if there's anything they think should be added! After all, it is always helpful to have some extra input!😊

[mizuki-foreshadowing]

Kamiyama High Festival, Episodes 6 & 7

Feeling hurt from the two students from earlier, Mizuki retreats to the rooftop, an old habit. There she sees Rui. Their middle school days were defined by these lonely impromptu hangouts. Rui knew Mizuki before she became Mizuki, and he had been the one to help her back then.

We learn that the context of the flashback to Mizuki and Rui with Mizuki in the boys uniform, is that it's the first time the two had met.

Their first introduction is very worth delving into. Rui introduces himself and asks Mizuki's name. She refuses to give it, but Rui already knew it. He says the reason he asked anyway was to hear what Mizuki would say. Under the reading that Mizuki is a closetted trans girl, this interaction makes perfect sense; Rui picked up on Mizuki's self-loathing and wanted to be considerate and kind to a fellow loner. It was an invitation for Mizuki to give him her real name [Mizuki].

Likewise, the metacontext is that Colorful Palette wants to be kind and considerate to people like Mizuki; they're telling her story in a sincere way. The first and easiest way they do this, made even easier by Japanese grammar, is to not refer to her with a masculine pronoun. Japanese allows the omission of a pronoun if it's clear from context, which combines well with the depth that can be conveyed with [name]-honorific, as well as simply using either the first or the last name. Akito, for instance, who's heard the rumors about Mizuki, exclusively calls her Akiyama in this event story.

It's a little harder to do this in English, which requires a subject for its sentences, and only really offers the use of first name or a pronoun. In English, students who know Mizuki's secret, at worst, refer to her in the text of the game with 'they'. The dialogue of N25 members, at least from what I've seen, is careful to only use 'Mizuki' or some other wording to refer to Mizuki. (as a trans woman, I'm very sensitive to when 'they' is used for us) They don't know her secret after all, and would otherwise use 'she'.

A more difficult way than pronoun usage, for the team to be respectful of Mizuki and players who they want to reach out to with her story, is to not deadname her. If they ever gave a birth name for her, it could be used by hurtful fans as a more correct way to refer to her, doing only harm. Rui and Mizuki's introduction is meant to be read as Rui asking for a different name from Mizuki. She refuses to give any name. This would otherwise signal the conversation as being over, so Rui skips the introduction for her, saying he already knows her name.

Is this all enough evidence to support that 'Mizuki' when used in flashbacks of her in a boys uniform is a way to respectfully censor out her deadname? Maybe, but there is one more piece of evidence, in the next episode. Episode 7 opens with a timeskipped flashback. Mizuki and Rui have been having their loner hangouts on the school roof for a while now.

It's not something I can capture in a screenshot, but Rui refers to Mizuki in this line with "Mizuki-kun". This is clearly still Mizuki before she transitioned, and she's still just as icy and bitter in the way that she talks as she'd been in Episode 6. But more than that, [I checked and] Mizuki is an unambiguously feminine name. It means 'hope', and the only suggested spelling for it is with the kanji that Mizuki's name officially uses. Conversely, -kun is typically reserved for a male addressee. While Rui also uses -kun for Emu and other members of the cast younger than him as part of how he talks, he no longer uses -kun for Mizuki. At the end of Episode 5 and all throughout Episodes 6 and 7, Rui in the present uses just Mizuki to address her, which acts to respect her in the same way friends avoid using 'dude' or 'guys' when addressing a trans girl. Rui using -kun in the flashback may reflect that the name in-universe it's spoken with was not actually 'Mizuki' and that we the players read it as 'Mizuki' as part of the writers respecting her character.

This is the Mizuki who Mizuki talks about when she tells people about how she used to feel confined by people's expectations, always wondering how much she should change herself not to inconvenience those around her. That Mizuki can't understand why Rui refuses to act more normal and try to fit in, even as herself doing so is the source of her own misery.

Rui's response is there are many things that are very much worth finding in solidude. Among them, Mizuki herself, with the silent hope that Rui is also that for Mizuki.

Mizuki understanding that getting rejected by the other people around her isn't the end of the world, and that she can still find meaning even if she does so alone, is the first step toward the person she'll become, of somebody who does things her way and is so much happier for it.

[soleillunne]

— To everyone I've had the pleasure of meeting here,

I just want to take a moment to say thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart. You’ve each been there in different ways, each of you bringing something unique and special into my life. Whether it’s a quick message that brightens my day, the way you listen and support me when things are rough, or the laughter we share that somehow makes everything a little easier—I’m so grateful for all of it, and for each of you.

You’ve all been a part of my life’s ups and downs, and I honestly can’t imagine getting through it all without your presence and support. Some of you have been there from the very beginning, steady and constant, while others have entered my life more recently, bringing new warmth and joy. Each one of you has touched my life in ways I can’t fully express, and I hope you know how deeply I value and appreciate you.

Thank you for being there, for being yourselves, and for allowing me to share a part of this journey with you. Whether we talk every day or just every so often, you mean more to me than words can say. Your kindness, patience, humor, and loyalty mean the world to me, and I’m so incredibly lucky to know you all.

Here’s to every laugh, every shared thought, every moment of support, and every memory we’ve made together. I’m beyond grateful, and I look forward to making even more memories with each of you. Thank you for being you—there’s truly no one else like you, and I’m so lucky to call you my friends.

With all my love and gratitude, always.

-Aly.

@starrveill :

Fawn,

Every conversation with you feels like stepping into a warm embrace—a burst of sunlight that seems to reach into even the cloudiest corners of my day. You have this incredible way of making everything feel lighter, brighter, and somehow more alive. I honestly can’t remember a single dull moment with you; every time we talk, it’s like a spark that adds so much more color and joy to life. You bring an energy that’s so rare and beautiful, and I’m so grateful for it.

Talking to you reminds me again and again just how special you are. There’s this light within you, something deeply genuine, and it’s impossible not to feel its warmth. I could spend hours with you, listening, laughing, sharing stories, and it would never be enough—I’d never tire of it because being around you is like breathing fresh air after being cooped up indoors for ages.

I love you in a way that’s beyond words, more deeply than anything I could ever fully express. If I could, I would take away every single one of your worries, anything that ever brings you down, just to see you at peace and filled with happiness. You deserve nothing less than boundless joy, endless laughter, and all the good things that life has to offer. And please know that, if there’s ever a way for me to make even a sliver of that come true, I’ll be here, always. You’re worth the world and so much more, and I’d do anything to see you smile.

@umgatochamadopercyval :

Clara,

Thank you so much for being such a steady presence in my life, even when we don’t talk as often as I’d like. I know I’m not always the easiest to keep up with, but you somehow manage to be patient and understanding in ways that mean so much to me.

Even in the times we’re apart, I always know I can count on you, and it’s such a comforting feeling. You put up with my quirks, my silences, and my scattered attempts to stay in touch, and I’m genuinely grateful for that. You’re one of those rare people who makes life feel a little easier, even from a distance. Thank you for being you, and for being there, no matter what.

@romaritimeharbor :

Aph,

Thank you so, so much for always listening to my silly ideas and endless rambles, for letting me share my thoughts and dreams with you, and for being so wonderfully patient through it all. It means the world to have someone as understanding as you, who genuinely listens and never makes me feel like I’m saying too much or being too much. You’re not only kind beyond measure, but you’re also such a genuinely amazing person in every single way—someone whose warmth, humor, and openness create this space where I can be completely myself.

Every time I see you on my dash, it’s like a little burst of joy, something that brightens my day without fail. You have this incredible way of bringing extra sunshine into everything you do, and it makes such a difference. Just knowing that someone as kind and wonderful as you is out there brings me so much comfort and happiness. You’re truly one of a kind, someone whose presence is a gift, and I’m so so grateful for you.

And on top of everything, you’re one of the most talented, creative people I know. The things you create are filled with this unique spark that only you could bring to them, and it’s inspiring to see. I hope you never lose that light, that beautiful spark in you that brings so much magic to your work and to everyone around you. Thank you for being you—for all the ways you make life a little bit better.

@kopivie :

Cinna,

You are absolutely amazing, and I mean that with everything in me. It’s hard to find the right words to capture just how much you mean to me, but I’ll try. You have this rare, incredible kindness and warmth that the world honestly doesn’t deserve. You give so much of yourself to others—more than most people will ever know—and you do it with such quiet grace, as though it’s just the most natural thing in the world. Even when life throws challenges your way, you somehow keep shining through it all, and it’s nothing short of inspiring.

It breaks my heart that the world hasn’t been nearly as kind to you as it should be. You deserve so much more—more happiness, more peace, more of the love and care you so freely give. The fact that you’ve had to face so much is a damn shame, because if anyone deserves the entire world, it’s you. The strength you have to keep going, to keep being this light for others, is something I admire deeply. And when things get tough, I just want you to know that I’ll be here, ready to tell the world to fuck off whenever it tries to dim your light.

Thank you for sticking with me through everything, for being such a constant, loyal friend. You’ve been there for me in ways I can’t even begin to describe, and that kind of friendship is something so rare and precious. Your presence in my life means more than I can say, and I’m beyond grateful to have you. You’re one in a million, a friend that anyone would be lucky to have, and I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you, just as you’ve always been there for me.

You mean the world to me, and I hope you always remember how loved and appreciated you are.

@papiliotao :

Rei,

Even though we haven’t talked as much lately, you’re still so dear to me, more than words can capture. I honestly think of you as a sister—you have this warm, calming aura that just makes me feel safe, like everything’s going to be okay. Knowing you’re out there, even if we’re not talking every day, brings me so much comfort.

You’re so kind, and I can never be thankful enough for everything you’ve given just by being you. Thank you for being such a light in my life. You mean the world to me, and I hope you know that.

@kazumist :

Aki,

It’s been so long since we last talked, but I still think about how kind, funny, and incredibly talented you are. You’re honestly one of the sweetest people I know, and every memory of talking with you brings such a smile to my face. You have this amazing way of lighting up conversations and making people feel genuinely good.

I really hope we get the chance to talk more sometime, if we can both find the time! It would be amazing to catch up, and I just know it’d be just as fun and heartwarming as always.

@yaminohimeyume :

Yume,

We haven’t had the chance to talk as much lately, but I just want you to know how much you mean to me. You are, without a doubt, one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, and the kindness you’ve shown me is something I’ll always cherish. Even in the smallest interactions, you have this way of making me feel understood, valued, and supported, and I can’t express how deeply that touches me. I hope you realize just how special you are and how much I genuinely appreciate every little thing you’ve done.

Thank you for being such a wonderful presence in my life—a constant source of warmth and light. Your kindness and sweetness are rare and beautiful, and I’m beyond grateful to have had even a small part of it.

@nordicbananas :

Shroom,

Thank you, truly, for being there for me in every way that matters, for standing by my side and offering your support, from the very beginning. Your kindness and warmth have been such an incredible gift, something I genuinely cherish and hold close to my heart. You've always been a constant source of comfort and encouragement, bringing light into even the darkest days, and I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

I feel so incredibly lucky to have someone like you in my life—someone who’s as caring, genuine, and thoughtful as you are. You’re one of the sweetest, most understanding people I know, and the way you’ve shown up for me time and time again is something I’ll never take for granted. You have this amazing ability to lift me up just when I need it most, and your presence has been a true blessing that I don’t think I could ever thank you enough for.

Your friendship means more to me than words could ever capture. Thank you for being there, for every conversation, every laugh, every moment of support. Having you in my life has been one of the greatest gifts, and I’m so so grateful for all the ways you’ve shown me your kindness.

@lexisism :

Alexis,

I can’t put into words just how much your kindness and warmth have impacted me. You’re one of the most genuinely compassionate people I know, and knowing you has made my life so much richer. Whether in moments of joy or times of challenge, you've always been there with an open heart and a gentle strength, supporting me through everything with such kindness and care. There are so many ways you've helped and encouraged me, and I don’t know what I would have done without you.

You’re also incredibly talented—everything you create shines with your unique touch, and it’s a privilege to witness the brilliance you bring to the world. Each piece of yours is a reminder of your creativity, your dedication, and just how extraordinary you are.

Talking to you, spending time with you—it lifts me up and reminds me of the beauty in simple moments. I feel so incredibly grateful to have someone like you in my life. Thank you for being such a radiant presence, for always showing me what it means to be truly kind, and for making the world feel like a brighter, better place.

@milk-violet :

Mirei,

You are honestly the sweetest person ever, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Talking to you is like a burst of sunshine—it feels effortless and fun, like the world just gets a little brighter whenever you’re around. You have this beautiful, bubbly energy that’s so contagious, and being around you always lifts my spirits in ways I didn’t even know I needed.

Every conversation we have, no matter the topic, is something I genuinely look forward to. You make everything so much more enjoyable, and I love that we can talk about anything and everything without missing a beat. You bring such a joy and warmth into my life, and I feel so lucky to know someone as incredible as you.

Thank you for being you, for every smile you bring, and for being such a wonderful presence in my life. You’re an absolute gem, and I’m beyond grateful for you.

@floraldresvi :

Vivi,

I don’t think I can express just how much you’ve meant to me this year. You’ve been one of the main reasons I could keep going, and I’m beyond grateful for all the kindness and support you’ve shown me. You’ve been so sweet and understanding, never once judging me—only ever encouraging me, lifting me up, and being there through everything. I truly don’t know what I would have done without you by my side.

You’re so, so talented, and it’s incredible to watch you shine. Seeing the things you create, and the way you put your heart into everything you do, is such an inspiration. And somehow, even on my roughest days, you have this magical way of cheering me up like no one else can. Just hearing from you makes everything feel a little easier, a little brighter.

Thank you for being the incredible person you are, for believing in me, and for being a constant source of light. I’m so grateful for you, and I hope you know just how much you mean to me.

@strxnged :

June,

You are honestly one of the kindest and most talented people I know. Every time we talk, I’m reminded of just how much I cherish our conversations. Even though we haven’t been able to talk as much over the past year, each conversation with you feels special, like I’m talking to someone who genuinely understands and cares. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

Your talent never fails to amaze me. The way you approach things with such passion and creativity is inspiring, and I feel so lucky to witness even a glimpse of it. You’re one of those rare people with a warmth and openness that makes it so easy to talk to you about anything, and every moment shared feels like a gift.

Thank you for being the incredible person you are. You bring so much kindness and beauty into the world, and I’m grateful for every chance I get to know you better.

@meimeimeirin :

Meirin,

I don’t think I can fully put into words just how much you mean to me. You are, without a doubt, one of the kindest souls I know. Your kindness is something rare, and it shines through in every interaction we have. Even though we haven’t been able to talk as often as I’d like lately, I think about you so often, and I just want you to know how much you’re appreciated.

You have this sweetness that makes talking to you feel like a breath of fresh air after a hard day, like a reminder that there are truly good people in the world. And your talent—it's something I’m constantly in awe of. Everything you create seems to have a piece of your warmth and beauty in it, and it’s such a joy to witness.

Thank you for being such a positive, comforting presence in my life, even when we’re not always in touch. You make a difference, and I’m super grateful for every bit of kindness you’ve shown me. Just knowing you’re out there makes the world feel a little brighter.

@camvrin :

Oliver,

Where do I even start? Talking to you is like stepping into a whirlwind—in the best possible way. You’re so wonderfully chaotic, and that’s exactly what makes every conversation with you so much fun. I never know where we’ll end up or what twists the conversation will take, but that’s what makes it feel so refreshing. You keep things lively, spontaneous, and full of laughs, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

You’re not only hilarious, but you’re also genuinely one of the kindest, sweetest people I know. You’ve always been there for me, supporting me in ways that mean more than I can put into words. Somehow, no matter what kind of day I’m having, you always know how to lift my spirits and put a smile on my face.

Talking to you feels like one of those rare, easy connections where I can be myself completely, knowing I’ll always have someone who gets it. I could talk to you for hours on end about anything and everything, and it would never get old. Thank you for being such an incredible friend. You’re truly one of a kind, and I’m so lucky to know you.

@mlkbwunnies :

Ying,

I can’t say it enough—you are truly kindness personified. From the moment we met, you’ve been nothing but incredibly sweet, thoughtful, and supportive. You have this gentle, genuine warmth that’s so rare, and just knowing someone as kind as you makes the world feel a little brighter.

You’ve been there for me in ways I’ll never forget. Whether I needed advice, a kind word, or just someone who would listen, you’ve always been right there, ready to help. It’s the kind of support that sticks with you, and I’m forever grateful for it. I honestly feel so lucky to know you and to have had your friendship in my life.

You deserve the absolute best in this world, because that’s exactly the kind of goodness you bring to others. Thank you for being you, for every act of kindness, and for the countless ways you’ve been there for me. You’re a treasure, and I’m so grateful for you.

@thestarswhisper :

Zee,

You are one of the most talented and sweetest people I know, and I’m so grateful to have you in my life. You’ve been with me for so long, through thick and thin, and knowing you’re there has been such a comfort this past two years. Even though we haven’t had the chance to talk in a while, I think about you often and appreciate you more than words can say.

Your talent is something I’m constantly in awe of. You have this incredible way of bringing so much beauty and meaning into everything you do, and it’s inspiring just to see the amazing things you create. Beyond that, you’re genuinely one of the kindest people I know, and that kindness is something I treasure deeply.

Thank you for sticking by me all this time, for being such a wonderful friend, and for all the ways you’ve supported me. I’m so lucky to know someone as remarkable as you.

@glacialheart :

Mika,

It feels like forever since we last got to chat, and I’ve missed seeing you around. I know life has been super busy for you lately, and I just hope you’re taking care of yourself and finding moments to breathe. You deserve all the rest and peace in the world, and I’m really hoping things ease up soon so you can take a break.

You’re genuinely one of the sweetest people I know, and I don’t think you realize just how talented you are. Your creativity and kindness leave such an impact, and everything you do seems to carry this beautiful spark that’s so uniquely you. Thank you for all the times you’ve been there for me and for being such a steady source of warmth and support.

I hope the days ahead bring you a fresh start and all the happiness you deserve, because you truly mean so much to me. Sending all my love, and know I’m always here if you need anything.

@strryskys :

Avery,

I just have to say how much joy you bring into my life. You are genuinely one of the funniest, most talented people I know, and every time I see you on my dash, it feels like a little boost to my day. There’s something about your humor that’s so effortless—you know exactly how to make me laugh, and it’s such a gift. It’s like you have this natural way of bringing lightness and fun wherever you go, and I’m always so grateful for it.

Not only are you incredibly funny, but you’re also so talented. Every time you share your work, I’m blown away by the skill and creativity you pour into it. You’re one of those rare people who seems to have this spark of inspiration and creativity that just can’t be contained, and it’s amazing to see. I feel lucky every time I get to witness even a piece of what you create.

And beyond all of that, you’re so sweet. You’ve always been so kind and supportive, and it means the world to me. Knowing I have someone as wonderful as you around makes everything feel just a little bit better. You’re a true gem and I hope you know how much you’re appreciated. Thank you for being you, for sharing your humor, your talent, and your kindness. I’m so glad I got to know you and be your friend.

@ruruumin :

Rurumi,

It’s been a while since we last talked, but I wanted to let you know how much you still mean to me. Even from the very beginning, you were nothing but kind and warm, and I can’t tell you how much that meant. I was in awe of you—not only because of your talent but also because of the genuine kindness you showed me right from the start. There’s something so rare and special about that, and it’s something I’ll always cherish.

Your work left such an impression on me; I still remember being completely captivated by your creativity and the incredible skill you put into everything you do. You have this unique talent that feels almost magical, like you’re able to bring your imagination to life in a way that’s truly inspiring. Every piece you create feels like a small masterpiece, and it’s clear that you pour so much of yourself into it. Being able to witness your talent is honestly an honor.

Thank you for being such a sweet and thoughtful friend, for your support, and for all the kindness you’ve shared with me. Even though we haven’t talked as much recently, you’re often in my thoughts, and I’m so grateful for the time we’ve shared. You’re truly one of a kind, and I hope you know just how amazing you are.

@oceanreveuse :

Anastasia,

It feels strange to put this into words, but I just need you to know how much you mean to me, even now. Even though it’s been a couple of months since we last spoke, I still think about you often, and I can’t help but miss you. I keep replaying our conversations in my mind, remembering how much brighter things felt with you around. It feels like there’s this empty space where you used to be, and it’s hard to ignore.

You’ve left such an impact on my life in ways I can’t fully explain. We may not have known each other for long, but somehow, in that short time, you managed to find a place in my heart, and I’m not sure that spot will ever really go away. You brought so much joy and comfort into my life, and I can’t thank you enough for that. I remember feeling truly happy for the first time in a long while, and that was because of you. Knowing someone like you exists gave me a reason to keep going, to hold on to the hope that there are people out there as wonderful as you.

I wish I could tell you all this in person, to let you know just how much I appreciate everything you did for me. I’m grateful beyond words for the time we shared, for the support you offered, and for the kindness you gave so freely. Even now, I find myself wanting to tell you about my day or share a small thought, hoping you’re doing well and finding your own happiness. You were someone who made life feel a little lighter, and I’ll always be thankful for that.

So, even if we don’t talk anymore, please know that you still hold a special place in my heart. You’re unforgettable, one of a kind, and I’ll always be grateful to have had you in my life, even if just for a while. Thank you for everything. I miss you, and I hope you find all the happiness you deserve.

@femivi :

Femi,

Even though we just met not even a week ago, I already feel so lucky to have crossed paths with someone as wonderful as you. From what I’ve seen so far, you’re incredibly sweet, and you have this amazing talent that completely blows me away. It’s rare to meet someone who can leave such an impression in such a short amount of time, but somehow, you’ve managed to do exactly that.

I’m genuinely looking forward to getting to know you better. I can already tell there’s so much more to discover and appreciate about you, and I hope this year gives us plenty of chances to connect, share laughs, and build some great memories. Here’s to what feels like the beginning of something really special—I can’t wait to see where our friendship goes!

— Here's to new beginnings, friends.

[diangelodork]

DBDA nightly analysis #25! (sorry i've been lacking lately, i have not been in the right mental state but i am BACK NOW BABYYYYY)

tonight's topic: crystal palace the girl that you are (character analysis bc she's been getting shit on so violently lately and DOES NOT deserve it.)

i will say - i didn't care all that much for crystal for quite a while until i really sat down to analyze her motivations and background, but it is the hate that some people have been spewing about her that motivated me to analyze her tonight.

crystal palace is flawed. of course she is. she is by no means perfect.

the first time we see her is in emma's flashback to her and crystal. she would play in a graveyard, frolicking about and taking polaroid pictures with this ghost of a young child. she was good enough friends with this child for her to seek out professional help to get her back. she was undoubtedly kind to her.

when we see her next she is dazed and confused, and still, she makes a rude remark. this is not because she is inherently bad, but because she still has that memory of being mistreated. now, she doesnt have all of her memories, but she has the memory that people weren't nice to her. she feels she must fit into that mold and that memory. the way she does that is by being a dick.

we see her a bit more in depth in her walk with charles. she expresses that she feels like people weren't the kindest to her and, knowing what we know about the way she was raised, that makes a lot of sense. she was excruciatingly neglected as a child and seeked attention. the best way to do that was negative attention. it was the easiest to accomplish.

she has her spats with edwin, but they are mostly (if not exclusively) initiated by him. she returns his energy. then we see some of the shit she goes through with david. he is incredibly abusive all throughout the series and it is very evident how predatory he is. he chose her because she was unloved. because she was vulnerable. she was easy to take advantage of.

her breaking down in E1 is so, SO important to me. we forget that she is MEANT to be flawed. she is imperfect. like the boys, she is but a sixteen year old and she is so deeply scared. she doesn't know who she is or how to cope with the fact that she doesnt know who she is. on top of that, this fucker that she's with (affectionate) won't stop shitting on her for NO reason. from the start, he was a douche to her (he has his motivations for this as well, but that doesn't mean it's not true) and now shes sitting here and calling her abuser and the fucker that has been tormenting and stalking her is being linked to her ("her demon") and she cant HANDLE that. shes been hanging on by a thread all of E1. shes been dealing with so fucking much, emotionally.

interestingly, edwin is not an emotional character when faced with other people's issues. i say this because he still garners more compassion than her. the way she treats the becky aspen case, especially, is so fragile and vulnerable. the way she immediately starts crying after looking into becky's mom's mind should have elicited more sympathy than it did and it's incredibly interesting that it didnt.

i will be the FIRST to say how important the "it's a lark to you!" scene is for edwin, but i never hear anyone discuss crystal's part in this conversation. shes so desperate and hurting and it's so strange that no one talks enough about that.

except no its not. i wish it was.

i truly think its an issue of her being a black woman and standing in the way of payneland. there is a lot of internalized misoginoir within how the fandom views her character. it is explicitly highlighted within the show how similar edwin and crystal are and a lot of the things she gets hate for are characteristics that are also incredibly prevalent in edwin's character. for example, her brashness and bluntness. it’s okay when it’s edwin, the white, queer twink of everyone’s dreams, but the second it’s a woman who is already on thin ice for the fandom because she’s standing in the way of the main ship, it’s easy to say she’s a bad person for this.

crystal is so unwavering as a character. she has such strong themes of feminism all throughout her story. she is able to separate from her abuser and intimidate and overpower him which is so STRONG. she is able to hone in on the divine femininity of her ancestors and THAT is where her power is derived from. she confronts a goddess of female vengance and justice and stands in front of her, demanding justice for the young girls slaughtered under her watch. she is inherently, at her core, good. she has done shitty, awful things in her past, but that happens when you are abused. it is not an excuse, but she is a CHILD who has been deeply abused. neglect is a form of abuse.

also, could you IMAGINE how it must feel to be such a deeply unloved character who KNOWS they are unloved. she is a psychic. she could see into the minds of her parents. she could always see their apathy. what a lonely fucking thing to go through, my god.

even still, when she was doing these awful things, she took the time to connect with a young girl and spend enough time with her for them to bond and for her to miss her. her first instinct (with the memories of her parent's neglect gone) is to cross an ocean to save a little girl. she is so deeply touched by maren and shelby's stories.

she is a flawed character, but they all are. she gets more hate than all of them and, if you are one of the people who hate her above all else, i want you to ask yourself why? these views are, of course, not held by the majority of the fandom, but it has become a big fuckin issue and i wanted to address it. acknowledge where it’s coming from, if you’re one of the people feeling a bit targeted by tonight’s analysis. love yall <3

[bunni-v1]

HELLO HONEY HOW ARE YOU?

..

malleus SFW alphabet mayhaps?

thank u 🫡

🍓Hello lovely! Sorry for taking so long to answer this, but I wanted to be sure yours was the first one I got to out of them all!

A - Affection: Answered Here

B - Best friend: Answered Here

C - Cuddles: Malleus LOVES to cuddle. Seriously, it's one of his favorite hobbies. He didn't think he'd like it all that much, but he really does! He runs warm so he's really nice to cuddle up to as well, except for summer when it's blazing hot outside. He's a bit stiff when he's cuddling you, but he relaxes into you like melting butter.

D - Domestic: Malleus would LOVE to settle down and start a life/family with you. It's his biggest dream to be treated like normal, and starting a life with you is just the perfect way for him to feel like a normal, loved guy. Now, he's not exactly GOOD at the whole... having a life with someone thing yet, but he'll get there. You just have to teach him how to clean, cook, do laundry, and pretty much everything else that comes with domestic life.

E - Ending: If he had to, he would probably just ghost you. He doesn't want to see the look of hurt or anger on your face, especially since you were so kind to him for so long. He can't handle facing you to break things off, so he sends Lilia and a long and well-crafted letter and proceeds to avoid you like the plague. It's... pretty bad.

F - Fiance(e): Oh he wants to marry you REAL quick, so you'll have to push the breaks on that one. He just really loves when he loves, so he doesn't know how to stop himself from getting excited. He absolutely wants to marry you, and he will only wait a few years before he starts asking again. He brings up the idea of it frequently until you seem ready for it, at the very least.

G - Gentle: Ohhhh, Malleus is so gentle with you -- physically speaking at least. He handles you like you're made of glass, which you very well may be when compared to him. He could hurt you easily, and he wants to avoid that as much as possible. Emotionally... he tries, he doesn't want to hurt you, but he has a tendency to just say whats on his mind and make you feel bad about things he doesn't mean to.

H - Hugs: YES! Malleus loves skin-to-skin contact so much, and the easiest way to get that outside of handholding is hugs. He only gives you hugs, but he gives them to you all the time. He sees you between classes? Hug. You're visiting him in Diasomnia? Hug. Sees you at lunch? Hug. They're so warm and comforting too, like you'll always be safe in his arms.

I - I love you: He says I love you very fast. He's not lovebombing you or trying to manipulate you by jumping in too fast, he just feels that strongly about you that quickly. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he wants you to know how much he cares for you as quickly as possible.

J - Jealousy: Malleus is tricky to talk about when it comes to Jealousy. On one hand, yeah Malleus gets jealous and he gets jealous fast. He's like an angry cat watching its owner play with a dog from the window. He's got an intense aura that chases most people off without him having to say anything. On the other hand, he doesn't really get jealous often because no one wants to piss off Malleus Draconia.

K - Kisses: Malleus, much like other forms of affection, loves kisses. He is NOT good at them. He is all teeth and nose and way too fast and eager, but it's really cute. He wants to kiss you all over and be kissed all over.

L - Little ones: As I mentioned before, yes. Malleus really does like kids -- he spent a good portion of his life helping raise Silver and Sebek, so his affections for kids stem from a young age. He really wants some of his own, and it's honestly a dealbreaker if you don't want them.

M - Morning: Mornings with Malleus can either be slow, gentle, and quiet. Basking in each other's presence and relaxing in bed until it's near afternoon. Or they can be chaotic and full of things to do. Depends on his schedule. But, regardless, Malleus makes sure that you are comfortable and happy over anything else.

N - Night: Malleus is a night owl. He loves the quiet and peace that night brings. He loves to take you on walks outside around campus or stay up way too late talking to each other in bed about everything and nothing at the same time.

O - Open: Answered Here

P - Patience: Answered Here

Q - Quizzes: Answered Here

R - Remember: Malleus has quite a lot of memories of you that he adores. Your first date, walking around campus with you, the ball at Noble Bell. His favorite, though, is probably the first time he proposed to you. You'd been together for a little over a month, and he decided to pop the question because he knew he would want you for life. You didn't freak out or yell at him or break if off with him on the spot. Instead, you smiled and told him "Not yet." For some reason, that little smile of yours and the 'yet' made his heart soar, and he knew that you were his one.

S - Security: Answered Here

T - Try: Malleus is a very go-big or-go-home person, however... he doesn't know how to plan dates. He doesn't know the first thing about romance or being sweet, so he's really just stumbling in the dark and accidentally hitting all the right targets. You think he's so sweet and loving. Lilia thinks it's a miracle he's lasted this long.

U - Ugly: Malleus' bad habit is assuming you're always on the same page as him. You are not always on the same page as him, and it causes arguments from time to time because he thinks he can speak for you when he cannot.

V - Vanity: He's relatively aware that he's good-looking, but he doesn't really have too big of an ego about it. He cares about power more than beauty, but he does know that he is attractive and is proud of that fact. It's just not something he thinks too hard about.

W - Whole: Malleus feels so empty when you aren't around. You consume a lot of his thoughts, so he's constantly wondering what you're up to and how you're feeling. Whenever you're gone, he feels a little piece of his heart ache in sadness.

X - Xtra: Malleus shines his horns. In fact, he takes care of them better than anything else in his life. They're a part of the royal look, which is one reason why he takes such good care of them. The main reason, though? He thinks they look pretty all shiny. He's a dragon, after all, he likes shiny things a lot.

Y - Yuck: Answered Here

Z - Zzz: He sleeps like a corpse. Just completely stiff and still, even if you're sleeping beside him. He just doesn't move at all. He also sometimes sleeps with his eyes open? Very unsettling, that Malleus.

[fruispunk]

Nightmares / Joel Miller

pairing: joel miller x f!reader genre: fluff/smut word count: 6544 premise:  you've taken up a new job in the QZ but the after affects have you riddled with nightmares. when joel miller, your long-time neighbor, friend, and colleague, hears sounds from your room adjacent to his own, his overthinking mind sends him into a jealous spiral. warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, she/her pronouns, soft joel is v love drunk, descriptions of dead bodies, mentions of death of children, casual ignorance of addressing trauma, the usual apocalyptical nonsense.

read on AO3

a/n: this is my first time writing joel so hopefully its not OOC please be kind, I appreciate any feedback! I know it isn't the most original concept but I just wanted to feel out writing for him. expect lots more pedro-centric fics on the way too :) ~

You bolted up right, sheets thrown off of you and a ragged breathe dragged its way desperately into your lungs. Your face was tear stained, your skin glistening with a sheen of stress induced sweat. Another bad dream had infiltrated your mind, disturbing what little rest you managed to find. This was the third time this week you had to rub your wet eyes, take some deep breathes and throw your head back down into your pillow in annoyance. Sleep would evade you once again.

Living in the Boston QZ was not necessarily the easiest life, but a lot of the time it beat living in fear, running from those things outside the walls. Or, it had done, until now. Until you took on a much more harrowing job. It paid more, sure, but it left your body aching and exhausted, and your mind in a state of unfathomable unease. It wasn't like burning bodies was anyone's dream job, but it was a job that had to be done, and one with sore consequences on your conscience.

Not that you were weak, but it wasn't like you could pick up the dead weight of a fully grown man and toss him onto the fire single handedly. So that left you with the smaller of bodies. The young women. The children. It was impossible to live in this world without seeing bloodshed, without being tormented by memories of lost loves ones, haunted by actions you wished you could take back or things you wished you'd done quicker. Everyone was plagued with something. Whether you were infected or not. That didn't make doing what you had to do any easier. Holding the limb body of a lifeless child could pain even the darkest of souls.

And that's what had been keeping you up. You'd seen family and friends succumb to disease. You'd seen people torn apart. You had slaughtered and killed and hacked away at plenty in your life - that is what surviving in this world cost. But seeing the piles of small nameless bodies stacked carelessly in the back of a van, dumped in silence into a fire they shared with so many you couldn't count. It hurt. Deeply. Death was not discriminatory to who she claimed as her own - taking too those who had barely started a life of their own. They didn't deserve this. They deserved a life of freedom. A life where they could be children. Where they could play, laugh. A life where when they died at an old age they would leave this world surrounding by people who loved them, who knew their name, who knew their life.

God, if you could only settle your head as easy as you overthought. You knew you could not always afford to be so sensitive or surrender to those innate emotional impulses you had in public. It was dangerous to been seen as weak. So you buried them inside and evidently, when your subconscious mind was allowed a little bit of freedom, all of those unaddressed issues and thoughts and worries poured out of you untameably.

When you left your assigned apartment (if you could call it that) in the morning, Joel was just locking his door. You weren't unaccustomed to the looks he gave you, and you looked forward to greeting him each morning, but the past week he had been rather... off. Distant. Not that Joel was particularly easy to get close to, or that you were extremely close anyway, but the daily nods of greeting as you worked had ceased. The offering of water on your work breaks or knocking on your door to offer leftover wine had stopped too, and casual conversation was no more. You were perplexed as to why. You thought of Joel as a friend, a strikingly good looking, strong, protective one that you harbored a little crush on. You'd be lying to yourself if you weren't feeling a little hurt by his distance.

"Morning," You offered, failing to fight back a yawn. Joel used to tease you when you were sleepy - scold you and tell you to get more rest. He was rarely ever too soft in his words, but you knew they came from a place of care. This morning he simply gave you a grunt in response. You shrugged it off. Maybe he just had a long night too?

As you both made your way out of the building and towards your shared work area for the morning you failed again to rid yourself of your yawn and Joel shot you a glare.

"Not sleep well?" He asked, but there was a striking lack of the usual care in his voice. It was more accusatory.

"Not one bit." You said casually, a little confused by his tone.

"Right." He said, bluntly. He didn't even give you the opportunity to ask what was wrong. He'd already got to work, storming off ahead of you. If you had the energy, and if the FEDRA soldiers scattered all over the QZ weren't watching the place like hawks you might have shouted at him, asked him what his problem was. Instead you sighed. Maybe he just wasn't in the mood for conversation right now?

Work dragged by as usual. Sometimes you felt a little outside of your own body when you worked, your mind checking out when the flames of the fire claimed another of the bodies - the smell of rotten burning flesh making your mind spin and your stomach churn. Ash clung to your hair and the fibers of your clothes. With your hands on your thighs, exhausted, you took a moment to catch your breath. Joel looked at you, and even through the protective goggles and mask you could see his unimpressed face.

"Tired. Sorry."

"Yeah," He said coldly, shooting back, "You're not the only one."

You stood a little dumbfounded at the harshness of his words. This wasn't a throw away comment relating to your struggle. It was angry. He never spoke to you like that. Not with such venom. Never.

You stood, eye to eye, sharing nothing but fumes bouncing from the top of each others heads. Before you even got the chance to say anything back you were being told off by a supervisor. 'No breaks without your pay being docked! Talking can wait! If talking is what Joel even wants to do.'

Joel kicked himself for that, and avoided looking at you for the rest of the working day, which he found much harder than he liked to admit. Looking to you was a brief solace for him on days when he had to burn bodies to feed himself. He had been happy to know you were going to work alongside him. Spend more time with him. You were like a light, warm and inviting, beckoning him in, and like a stupid little moth he spent most of his days drifting off towards you. Now, though, when he looked at you he wasn't filled with that calming enjoyable feeling spreading warm throughout his chest, he was filled instead with a deep gut flipping rage that made him feel sick.

It wasn't his fault. He couldn't help feeling the way he did. Not when you smiled at him more gently than he thought he deserved. Not when your eyes shined a little brighter as you greeted him than they did when greeting anyone else. And of course now he felt guilty because he had started taking his issues out on you. You couldn't help being so kind and sweet to him. He knew you were oblivious to his feelings for you because of course he wasn't very obvious at showing them. It wasn't your fault that he was overcome with jealousy at the thought of you with someone else. You were entitled to that - a grown women that he wasn't going to stop from making her own choices. It didn't mean he would be happy about it though.

He was angry at himself more than anything because, how had this happened? Most men kept their hands and eyes off you and their words to themselves anytime Joel gave them a warning look. He, be it intentionally or not, had an unspoken claim on you. So how, when his eyes were expertly trained on you at most times, had you found this lover you had taken up this past week?

Usually when you would finish your shift, you and Joel would wait for one another to hand in your time sheets and you'd walk back home together. Today however Joel stormed home, too angry to have a rational conversation with you which wouldn't end in him confessing how he felt or making a fool out of himself in public. You were disheartened to see him avoid your stare, which followed his broad shoulders and greying hair all the way down whatever street he had stormed off down until he rounded a corner and he was gone from your sight. The sigh that escaped you when you received your measly food tokens was for once not from the lack of good pay.

When the sky starts to darken and he knows you've made it home by the sounds of your keys jangling open your old rusted door lock he puts his head in his hands. He was practically doing this to himself. He knows he shouldn't. He knows he really really shouldn't. But he cant help himself. He sits up, waiting for you. Listening. Being as quiet as he can to hear for any distinguishable voice to identify your mysterious midnight caller. Nothing comes. No sneaking creek of your front door. No hushed voices. Nothing. Nothing but you that is. Nothing but your noises.

Small whines and gasps leave your lips and tumble into the room around you, echoing in the almost empty room and filtering through any old rotting walls that kept you and Joel from each other. It was driving him insane. To hear you like that. To imagine you writhing against someone else. Seeking pleasure from the hands he did not possess. It burned up in him. He hated that it made him half hard to imagine you bare against his own bed, under his own body.

It was a bad one tonight. A really bad one. Images of all the children you had burned came to you as you slept. Every single one. Their faces unrecognizable against the flames melting their flesh away. They came at you fast. They cried and they screamed and they begged and you did the same in return. You were shaking when you woke. Your mouth dry, your hair stuck to your forehead. You couldn't get back to sleep now. There was no point in trying.

The same as every night for Joel, your noises came to an abrupt stop. And the same as every night Joel had to restrain himself from going over, fists clenched until his knuckles were bright white. But this night, instead of the noises completely stopping, he hears your soft foot steps pat across the floor. In the deathly quiet he hears the smash of broken glass against your hard wood floor, and then, the recognisable heart wrenching sounds of your soft cries.

And he's up then. Without even thinking about it, he's flinging his apartment door open and banging his hand against your door. Hurried and panicked and immediately ready to do what had to be done to protect you! The five seconds from the minute he slammed his fist against your door to you opening it felt like an eternity to him. Where you alright? What had happened? Had your mystery lover hurt you? Do I have to break this door down?

Your heart felt like it jumped out your body when the banging came from your door. You stepped around the glass of water you had accidentally dropped and took your still shaking legs to your front door. You were thankful to see it was Joel through your peephole and not a FEDRA soldier.

The second you unlocked the door he flew into your place, eyes scanning all over the room.

"Where is he!" He almost shouts, without looking at you.

"What do you mean where is he?" You asked confused, "Where is who?"

"Your friend! You know who!" Joel spat at you.

"What are you talking about Joel? There isn't anyone here!" You raised your voice a little at him. He looked at you then. The fury in his eyes dying down as he saw your expression. You looked exhausted, upset. Tears wet your eyes and your cheeks were flushed. He saw the glass then on the floor in a small puddle of water. To your surprise he was looking just as confused as you were.

You noticed him look to the shattered glass, "I just...I just dropped a glass and it just, shocked me a little...I'm just tired."

"Of what?" He said, still a little mad, unsure of the situation he had walked in on.

"Are you angry at me right now?" You asked, a little fed up of his attitude, "Because...if you are I really can't do this right now. I've not been sleeping and-"

"Yeah I've heard." Joel replied flatly, trying to ignore how beautiful and inviting you looked in your little night dress.

"You...you've heard me?" You asked, quietly.

"Yes."

"Oh Joel, I'm so sorry..." You were bright red in an instant, and feeling incredibly guilty. 'Was this why he was so angry? Have I been keeping him up?' "I had no idea I was being so loud. My nightmares, they're really...they're really awful right now. I think its the new job or something..."

Now it was Joel's turn to feel embarrassed, "Wait, did you say nightmares?"

"Y-Yeah. They're like night terrors, or something. I didn't know the walls were so thin. If I had known I'd of slept at the other end of the room. I'm sorry Joel, I didn't mean to wake you." You were so apologetic and it made him want to die inside a little bit. Another wave of guilt washed over him. In his possessive depravity he had only your pleasure on his mind. It didn't even occur to him once that you might be struggling.

He sighed, and finally closed the door to your apartment. You silently wondered what the other neighbors were thinking. You bit your lip a little awkwardly as he sat down at the wobbly stool in your kitchen and put his head in his hands.

"God I'm so stupid."

"What?" You asked gently, stepping closer to him a little, "No you're not. Why do you say that?"

He shakes his head a little and chuckles lowly, "Honey, I thought..." he takes a breath and tries his best to not avoid your looks at him, "I thought this whole time you had someone over here...making you make them noises you were making."

Your mind goes a little blank for a second, and you stand dumbfounded, lips parted a little in surprise. And then his words hit you like a tonne of bricks, and they're heavier than any body you had picked up that day or any day previous. You laughed a little then, covering your mouth with your hands, "No! Oh my god no!"

"Hey! Don't you laugh at me." He laughs back a little, loving hearing these sounds. Even if they were at his expense, he could not help but think of the comparison to the ones he had been hearing before. He much preferred these.

"I'm not, I'm not." You denied playfully.

"You are." He looks away from you and to his feet. You stop laughing but you smile at him softly.

"Joel?" You ask, and he looks to you instantly with those big brown puppy dog eyes and you feel like you might melt, "Where you mad because I was waking you up or where you mad because you thought I had a man in here?"

"You're not dumb."

"I'm not." You nod with a smirk, "Still want to hear you to say it though."

The look he gives you is more intense than you feel you've ever shared. You feel like your heart is in your throat.

"Course you do," He fails to hide a little smirk of his own, "It wasn't because you were waking me up."

"No?"

"No."

The room was silent. You were stood, staring at each other, much too far away for your liking. You swallowed a lump in your throat. Waiting. Wondering.

"I was driving myself insane," Joel says then, "thinking about you with someone else. Thinking about someone else's hands on you."

Your heart was beating so fast and so loud you thought Joel might be able to hear it.

"You really think I'd have just anyone in here?" You teased him.

He raised his eyebrows a little, "You're a grown woman you can do what you like. Who you like. I can't stop you."

"We both know that's not true."

You watched how his eyes got a little darker then as he stared at you, his chest rising and falling in time with his deep nose exhales. He looked like he was ready to eat you. Perhaps in his head he was. He had a problem with possessiveness. 'Did she know this whole time?'

"Do you have a problem with that?"

You let his words settle before you ventured to step a little closer to him, "You're not dumb." You echoed Joel's earlier words.

"Still wanna hear you say it." He teased you back with repeating your own, his words meeting a smirk so handsome you thought you might pass out - you smiled at him. Content. You were both bad at feelings. You struggling to admit how strongly you both felt for one another with words. This moment right here felt like the closest you would get to ever being upfront about how deeply you both felt.

"Joel," The hum of his name on your lips had him reeling. You closed the gap between you both, standing on two feet in front of him as he still sat in your rickety old kitchen chair. You brushed your fingers through the sides of his hair delicately, caressing the side of his stubble kissed face. He leaned into your touch, an arm resting loosely at your waist, the feeling of the pads of your fingers sending goosebumps up and down his body. He closed his eyes for a brief moment. It was the most vulnerable you had ever saw him look. So love drunk. Your heart melted, "Joel I don't want anyone else. You know that right?"

"Well, you have me if you want me that badly, darlin'" He teased you, smiling as he felt you fake shove his chest a little in protest, "Wouldn't let anybody else have you anyway."

"Wouldn't have guessed by the way you nearly took my door off the hinges."

"Almost did it two nights ago when I heard you making those little noises."

"Hindsight Miller."

He laughed heartily at that.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," He said, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, "If I'd of known you were upset I wouldn't have been so harsh on you. Shouldn't have been harsh on you anyway for that matter."

"It's alright. If I'm being honest, I kinda like the thought of you all worked up over me."

"You wanna quit talkin' before you start something you can't stop." He looked over you with that intense dark gaze in his eyes again.

"You think I'd wanna stop?" You challenge despite your heart being in your throat. When he didn't reply you ventured to push him a little further, "Are you going to stay the night or do I have to beg?"

He gave you a chuckle through half lidded eyes, "Guess you're gunna have to get on your knees then."

"Oh look who's got jokes," the banter you shared was not uncommon, but this had been the most flirtatious. The most open about your now clearly mutual feelings, "So that's the stuff you're into huh?"

"You got no idea."

"You're right, I don't," You chuckled at him, watching as he stood from his seat so he was looking down at you now, "Why don't you show me?"

"You're playing with fire, you know that?" The hand still wrapped around your waist pulled you into him then, his other hand caressing your face.

"Would you just shut up and kiss me already?"

He didn't have to be told twice - his lips met yours, more gently at first than you had thought he would do. Almost like he was still unsure. You could feel the pair of you smiling. And then his hand had moved from your face to the back of your neck, pulling you impossibly close so you didn't know where your body stopped and his began. And you weren't smiling anymore. Panting, clutching at his shirt with your hand like you couldn't ever bare to let go. Terrified if you did he'd be gone. Your lips never parted, your tongues slipping past each others mouths, tasting one another with a hunger neither one of you had satisfied for a long time.

He grabbed your face in both hands, moving you so his mouth could more easily place kisses across your jaw and onto your neck. The feel of his beard scratching you gently, the light nips of his teeth as he sucked gently against your neck and the low grunts into your ear had a soft whine escape your mouth. A real one. One he had caused. Joel couldn't think of a time he had gotten that hard that quickly in his entire lifetime - your sounds were like honey. Delectable. And he devoured them, tongue in your mouth, desperate for more.

His hands grabbed at your ass then, his fingers delicately tickling their way underneath your night dress to knead at your ass.

His lips parted yours, panting and breathless. His forehead was pressed against yours, your noses touching still, "Jump for me." He said.

"Not with your back." You tormented.

"Shut up," He scolded you, but with a tone that was far from menacing, "Jump."

You did as you were told with a chuckle, putting your hands to his broad shoulders to steady yourself as you jumped. He expertly wrapped your legs around his waist and walked you over to your bed. Joel was silently thankful that your bed wasn't too far because realistically his back did hurt - he didn't even feel embarrassed for the way in which your words, how they proved to care for him, had the corners of his mouth turning up. He hadn't felt this feeling he had for you for a long while. So long it felt foreign to him; he welcomed it.

He just about tossed you onto the bed then, immediately leaning over you as you let out an excited laugh. Your night dress had rode up so your upper legs and underwear was exposed to him. The guttural noise he made at the sight made your head spin. His mouth was on yours again and his hands grabbing at your thighs, the feel of his fingers on your exposed skin making him even harder than he thought he ever could be. You wined at the strength of the grip he had on you and he let go a little, a little panic in his eyes as he looked you over. He was uncharacteristically nervous - trying so hard not to ruin this with you after wanting it for so bad for so long.

"What's wrong?" You ask, your hands coming to stroke his upper arms.

"Don't wanna hurt ya."

You touched his face sweetly, and kissed his cheek, understanding his apprehension. It had been a while for you too. "You won't break me Joel."

"I might."

"Why don't you show me how you do that as well then?"

He groaned a little at your words, his forehead pressing into yours.

"You're killing me, you know that?" He sighed, "Don't wanna be too much too soon...don't wanna scare you off."

"You could never scare me off. Ever." You said, he avoided your eyes a little, so you continued, thinking he maybe needed reassurance to let loose a little more, "Joel. I want you. I want this. I've always wanted this."

That seemed to do the trick with him. His hands were under your dress then, feeling the curves of your waist, cupping your breast, running the pad thumb over your nipple. The feeling of his hands on you had you whining softly again for him.

"You gunna take this off or do I gotta rip it off?" He growled at you, his hands and eyes desperate for more.

You thought you'd never moved so quickly in all your life. The nightdress pulled over your head and thrown to the floor, Joel's shirt joined it and your lips were locked once again. You were under him, in only underwear, exposed to him under the dim light of your apartment. You felt like you were in a dream with the way he kept looking at you - drinking you in.

"Don't know how long I've waited for this," He said breathlessly, pinning your arms expertly above your head, "Waited to touch you."

You whined in protest a little, desperate to touch him as he took one of your nipples into his mouth, kissing, licking, sucking expertly. A moan left you then, followed by a whine of his name.

"What's the matter sweetheart? You want me to touch you?"

"I wanna touch you."

"You can wait your turn," he chuckled, continuing his assault on your breasts, "Wanna make you cum on my tongue before I fuck you."

You bit your lip at his words and watched him as he released your hands and kissed his way down your body. He admittedly would not normally take such a long time with this, but he'd been wanting you like this for so long he wanted to make sure he lasted. Make sure you were satisfied. You were practically dripping for him by the time his head found his way between your thighs.

He lifted your legs, pulling your panties away from you and exposing your wet heat to him. He groaned, his hands stopping you from closing your thighs together shyly.

"Fuck, you're so wet," He said, enjoying how fast your face went red. You tried to close your legs again, but Joel gripped them hard, "You gunna be a good girl and keep em open for me?"

You nodded, completely unable to form words at the prospect of Joel Miller saying these positively sinful things to you. You were so caught up in his words that the feeling of his tongue licking a stripe from your hole to your clit made you gasp. You watched him as he licked and sucked at you, slowly teasing your clit in circles with his tongue, then sucking the bud and then going back to licking. You threw your head back into the pillow, overwhelmed by how quickly you thought he was going to make you cum, your orgasm already building tight in your stomach.

He couldn't get enough of you, the moans and grunts of his own vibrating against your sex. The taste of you. You couldn't help yourself then - you were a writhing mess beneath him, grinding your hips into his face with your fingers threading through his hair. You slapped one of your hands to your mouth to choke back a moan, and suddenly Joel was pulling away, one of his hands slapping gently at your arm.

"Wanna hear you baby," He said as whined from the lack of contact. He pressed a thumb to your clit but didn't move it, "don't go shy on me now, wanna hear how much you like me tongue fucking your little pussy."

"Oh God," you moaned, his dirty words getting you off.

"Atta girl."

He began moving his thumb in slow circles around your clit, moving his index and middle to slide through your folds. The slick sound they made as they glistened against his finger had him leaking precum onto himself. He slid a thick finger into you and you moaned. He added another an you moaned again, the feeling of your walls gripping his fingers making his head spin at how they might feel wrapped round his cock.

"Fuck, you know how turned on your little noises have been making me? Felt like a fucking pervert, had me hard as a rock thinking about what you'd look like if it was me on top of you, making you whine like that."

He said, picking his pace up, expertly fucking his fingers into you and licking and sucking at your clit in intervals until the grip in his hair got a little tighter and he could feel all your muscles begin to tense up.

"You gunna cum baby?" He asked at the increase in your noises. Words were still failing you so you nodded frantically, your shut in bliss, "Come on, you can do it, come for me beautiful."

Who were you to deny him? Especially when he showered you in compliments. The tight knot of your orgasm unraveled for him, the feeling like stars warm across your whole body. You cum on Joel's fingers as his mouth drank every last bit of you, reveling in how you were gushing for him. Your moans were sinful, and now that he was hearing them, really hearing them, he thinks he was so stupid for believing the noises you had been making were from anything close to this.

He let you ride out your orgasm before your breathing evened out and you started to giggle and push him away from him overstimulating your clit.

"Come here." You beckoned him to come closer to you. His mouth and chin and beard were all glistening with your juices. You could taste yourself on his tongue as he climbed on top of you and captured your mouth on his own. You were practically clinging to him, your arms at his neck and shoulders, his arms either side of your head boxing you underneath him. He leaned on you a little, your breasts coming into contact with his bare chest and you moaned a little as you pulled his hips closer to your own with your legs wrapped around him.

You could feel how hard he was as his hips pressed against yours, the outline of his clothed cock enough to have you biting your lip. You fiddled with his belt a little but struggled to get it off him. He laughed at your attempts and sat back to help you, the wetness of your pussy evident on his trousers.

You sat up, ghosting your hand across his covered length wanting to take him into your mouth but Joel couldn't stand waiting any longer, he was getting a little more desperate to feel you around him. To claim you. Make you his.

He gripped your hands, "Stay down."

"Wanna suck you off." You pouted a little.

He laughed darkly, "As much as I'd love to feel that little mouth on me, that can wait," He discarded his jeans and underwear, his hard weeping cock bouncing up against his stomach, "Just need you right now darlin'"

"Next time then." You giggled at him, trying not to feel intimidated by the length and girth of Joel exposed in front of you. He was big. So big you maybe thought he was doing you a favour - saving the ache of your throat for a different time.

"Next time." He chuckled again lowly, excited by the prospect that this wouldn't just be a one time thing.

He pulled you closer to the end of the bed by the thighs and you let out a surprised laugh. You were smiling up at him, watching how his big hand gripped his length and gave himself a few loose tugs, the site of you had the head red and weeping.

"You're so handsome." You said softly, and for a brief moment his dark eyes softened on you. He leaned down to capture your lips briefly. It was much slower than he had been. Gentle like the first kiss you shared. You held his head in your hands as he ran the head of dick through your folds, "Don't think you'll fit."

"You can take it." He growled into your ear, his big wide hands angling your hips. You moaned a little at his words.

He teased your entrance a little with the head of his cock, running his full length along your folds, over your clit and back down again, gathering up your wetness to help aid himself the fit. When he notched the tip just inside he made a noise so animalistic it sent goosebumps across the expanse of your flesh. He pushed in slowly, not wanting to hurt you. He was so thick. Your mouth hung open a little as he seated himself fully inside you.

"Fuck... You're so- so tight," Joel grunted, moving his hips just a little and looking down to watch how your walls clung to his length. He kissed your cheek and held you close as he pulled out all the way and pushed back in.

His pace was slow at first but still hard, his hips snapping roughly against your own. You felt so full, your body and mind consumed by him. You felt just as demented as he did no as you watched how his lips parted a little, his curls stuck to his perspirant covered forehead. He grabbed your thighs a little rougher, throwing each of your legs over his shoulders and then somehow he was hitting so deep your felt like you couldn't breathe.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Oh God. You're so big Joel," You were rambling, his dick rubbing hard against your walls, "Fuck. So big."

You words only made his more eager, and he picked up the pace, practically slamming himself into you.

"Taking me so good. Thought about this for so long," Joel confessed, "Thought about what you'd look like wrapped around my cock. Imagined how you'd scream when I fucked you." He was rambling too, the feel of you squeezing him ever time he pulled out like you were sucking him back in so he couldn't escape made him feral. He groaned, mumbling your name like a little prayer as he continued his brutal pace.

You would normally be embarrassed by the sounds you were making, but the way Joel obsessed over your noises you'd never felt more relaxed about letting them out. Moans, whines, grunts, the wet slapping of skin, the creak of the old headboard against the wall. You briefly felt sorry for your downstairs neighbour.

Joel pulled out and scooped you up then surprisingly, his knees shuffling a little more on the bed so he could kneel and bring you down on top of him. Even though he'd been fucking you the change of angle still touch a stretch, the slick of your dripping pussy helping you to sheath him entirely in one move. He moaned, his forehead pressed against yours now. Your heart swelled as you thought perhaps this change in angle was to appeal to the side of Joel that wanted to be close to you, that wanted affection.

You moved your hips with his own, your thighs barely able to move around him he was so buff. He gripped your ass and helped you, bouncing you up and down on him as he continued to fuck up into you. You cried out as he practically split you open, your arms clinging to him, your nails scratching his back and shoulders a little. The movement of him so close against you had the knot of orgasm building again. The brush of your nipples on his chest, the way his pelvis rubbed at an angle so perfect that it stimulated your swollen clit.

"Fuck you feel so good. You take it so good," He rambled again, his teeth and lips grazing your shoulder, "Look so good riding my dick. Shit."

"Joel, I'm gunna cum."

"Good girl. You take it baby. Take what you need. Cum on my cock. Come on sweetheart, give me one more."

And you were cumming again, gushing all over his length, walls pulsing madly on him. Your hands pulled at his hair. The feel of you had Joel panting, his grip bruising as he fucked you hard and fast through your orgasm. You were practically howling his name, your legs shaking and tears clouding your eyes.

"So good for me. Look so pretty when you cum," His hips were loosing their rhythm a little and his grunts were getting quickly and father between each other.

You could tell he was close, and even through your fucked out exhaustion you helped him along, pulling at his hair, sucking at the expanse of his neck, whispering little things for him, "Cum for me Joel, want you to cum. Love your dick in me. Love how you fuck me."

You thought you might have heard him grunt, "Mine," but you couldn't be sure because then he moaned and dragged you off him so he could cum all over your front. He collapsed on top of you, your breathing both heavy as you come down from your highs. Your bodies sticky with cum and slick and sweat. He didn't care that his own cum was all over his front now too as his head found its way to the crook of your neck. Kissing you softly, you smiled at this new bought of affection. His palms rubbing slow gentle circles on your thighs as he still had your legs around him.

"You think our neighbours are going to be mad at us for keeping em up?" You giggled a little as your fingers found their way into his hair, twisting his curls around your fingers.

He was touch starved, the mere thought of having your fingers in his hair a few days ago would have made him hard. Now, empty of his pining lust - evidence of which seemed to be all over the place - he could only think of how much he cared for you. How deeply his heart ached for you. He didn't know how to say it, but he smiled against your skin.

"Let 'em be mad."

He took you both to the bathroom to clean up, kissed every part of you as you cleaned. You loved this side of him. This gentleness. This softness. It was such a stark comparison to the man who had left bruises on your thigh mere minutes before. And the minute your body was back on the bed and your head hit the comfort of Joel's embrace you were out like a light. He kissed both your eyes and let sleep take him too.

Undisturbed with any thoughts but the man who's arms you had wrapped around you, you, unsurprisingly, slept like a baby. No dreams. No nightmares.

[carrymelikeimcute]

I'm in my feels again so lets talk about Izzy Hands and violence.

I read a novel ages ago, where an older guy takes a young orphan boy under his wing and teaches him a trade - it's medieval times and said boy becomes a young adult and wants a sword, but his pseudo-father/boss/friend tells him he can't have one, because if he has one, he'll draw it and if he draws it, he could be killed. The safest thing is, paradoxically, to carry no weapons. To learn control of one's temper and control over your surroundings.

The scenes of Izzy and Stede in ep.7 at Jackie's reminded me of that novel.

Obviously Izzy has weapons, tends to put his hand on his sword during arguments and we do see him fighting and killing people. HOWEVER, I think it's really interesting that, given how often we talk about Izzy being repressed (emotionally/sexually/gender-ly) and how controlled he attempts to be, we don't often talk about his controlled approach to violence.

A lot of fic characterises him as someone who is hot tempered and violent, but looking at s1 with fresh eyes, between him and Ed, he's definitely not just the cooler head when it comes to instigating violence, but the one who takes less interest in violence for its own sake as a performance - e.g. Ed's very creative instructions with the tiny fork, the toe thing etc vs Izzy just stabbing Stede. It's a means to an end.

Don't think I'm not saying he has a fucking temper and a half, because he obviously does, but that seems to mostly be vented non-violently through yelling - not yelling at strangers either, but at people he knows and can (usually) judge where the line is.

Until he puts a toe over that line and...oops.

On first meeting Stede, Izzy cuts up his shirt without actually hurting him. It's a threat, but he hasn't drawn blood, hasn't started anything violent...yet. It's almost a display intended to dissuade actual fighting, by showing your potential opponent that they're probably going to lose.

I think one of the reasons Izzy's so annoyed about their losses in the battle with the Spanish is that it's not their fight. They didn't get anything from it - it was pointless (to him, not to Ed obvs). He wants to avoid facing the Spanish again in the following episode, because they stand to lose more than they will gain.

Even when he's actively calling for Ed to kill Stede, he isn't fussy about how. (And he uses manipulation to keep his hands clean - something he does again when selling Ed out to the navy.) Stede needs to be gone, and this is the easiest way to do that. And when he does finally lose it he doesn't just attack Stede without warning - it's within the controlled setting of a duel, which, when Stede starts improvising, breaks down Izzy's control and leads to him becoming emotional, making a mistake and getting his sword broken.

In s2 the pointlessness of the raids is obviously getting to him, disrupting a wedding for no real gain. Losing Ivan for nothing. I don't think the violence is what bothers him, he's a very active participant, but the fact that it's not for anything - it's not enough of a reward in and of itself. (It's like not really caring one way or the other about being a barista, it's just what you do and it's fine, but then suddenly you're not being paid and also your boss keeps burning you with the steam wand on purpose and you just sort of wish you could just get on with your job and make rent like before.)

S1 Izzy seems to lack the whimsy and imagination that Ed/Stede bring to piracy and to violence, but that doesn't make him stupid. They're playing some kind of made-up game that only they know the rules for, and he's trying to play chess with everyone, even when the rules are only a burden to him.

When we see him training, he's being a dramatic candlelit bitch, but he's also measuring his movements, focusing intently and not just hacking away at everything. Even the candles are interesting to me in this context - we see him playing with candles several times in S1/2 and while yes, there is a certain amount of 'Izzy likes pain' in there to unpick, it's also kind of a metaphor for control - fire is one of the most dangerous things to have on a 'wooden vessel' but a candle is like a tiny pet fire that you control - so long as you're careful and respectful. It's all about risk management, respecting dangerous forces and being aware.

When Stede kills Ned, Izzy looks impressed, even seems to smile for a second, but then he looks more subdued and tells Ed that the first kill is a head-fuck. It's like he's proud of Stede being ABLE to kill, but regretful that Stede CHOSE to kill in a situation where it wasn't necessary at all.

I don't think for a moment that Izzy regrets killing most of the people he kills as part of pirate life, but I think he would regret killing someone he didn't have to. Most people wouldn't want to carry that around with them.

We see in ep7. that Izzy is well respected at Jackie's. He tells bigger guys than him to fuck off and just takes people's chairs. He gets called 'Mr. Hands' instead of by his first name. There's a lot of respect there and I think some of it comes from his reputation with Ed, but also, from people knowing that he's not insane - he can be treated respectfully and everything will be fine for all involved. He's not some menace that's going to stab you as likely as pat you on the back.

For all that people are afraid of Blackbeard (and maybe slightly in awe of Stede as of the Ned thing) for their unpredictable natures and occasional violent outbursts, people are still attacking them or pandering to them, actual respect is something else entirely.

Later, Izzy doesn't pull a weapon and tries to discourage Stede from doing so, even tries to get him to leave to prevent a fight from starting. In the fight, he smashes a stool over someone and doesn't just start killing people - it's an appropriate level of violence for the situation, not an escalation.

It feels like Izzy is very much in that place of controlling himself, being aware and knowing when and how to use force practically, proportionally and effectively. This might be age related, but it's also a big part of his personality. I think that's also why he looks impressed by what Zheng does to Steak Knife (rip) because it's so precise, bloodless and quick. She's basically the best captain for him - she's efficient and controlled.

It's easy to confuse 'is willing to kill' with 'is eager to kill'. I don't think Izzy necessarily loathes that part of his job, he seems ambivalent, but it is still a job to him. It's what pirates do, much as the crew of the Revenge do still kill people, it's just part of their life and not some kind of performance or fun activity. It's work, and it's hard and it's unpleasant and if something can be done an easier way - a smarter way - then that's probably the best way.